DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: It’s been almost a year since my girlfriend and I broke up. We broke up because I didn’t treat her as well as I should have, and flirted with other girls to boost my own self-esteem. She found a text message from another girl and thinks I cheated, but I did not. I heard from our friends that she is currently seeing someone new, who is treating her worse.
Her friends don’t like him and he’s apparently cheated on her more than once. I’ve told her she deserves better and she told me they were not exclusive at the time and to mind my own business. I have dated other girls, but no one has come even close to her. I know I was immature and betrayed her trust, but I also know that I would never do anything to hurt her again. Is it wrong to contact her to see if there is any hope for us to reconcile as she is seeing someone? I am miserable without her! — Remorseful, River Heights
Dear Remorseful: You can try, but chances are not that good. She already told you to mind your own business, which means she has no patience for your interference. However, she might just be angry and hurt over the breakup with you. If you have suffered a lot, are remorseful and offering a totally faithful relationship (no flirting elsewhere) and newfound maturity, she might listen.
Or, she might tell you to blow it out your ear. The bottom line? You will be mad at yourself if you don’t try and then find out she would have been interested, so call her up and ask to see her for coffee and dessert, as you have something important to talk to her about and you have to see her in person. Whatever you do, don’t be a chicken and text her, as texting comes across as cold, abrupt and rude when it concerns big emotional issues.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is for Grudge Fence (who needs to put up a fence to block the nasty neighbour). I work for the city and I know a lot of the zoning rules on fences but a person can always call 311 to get a zoning officer to verify.
I’d suggest contacting the city to get her property surveyed. They will hammer metal rods into each corner of the property so you can see exactly where your property lines are. My recommendation is to build the fence an inch onto her own property, so the neighbour can’t sue her. She is allowed six feet of height in the rear, and four feet in the front. In situations like this, zoning will usually allow for a "privacy screen," which is a section slightly higher than the six feet to ensure the neighbours don’t even look at each other. The survey and fence are a little expensive. Frankly, even if you do get along with your neighbour, I’d suggest doing it this way, since you don’t know when they might move and a nightmare neighbour could move in. Hope this helps! — Friendly Neighbourhood Employee, Winnipeg
Dear Friendly: This helps. Thanks for writing in with important information for Grudge Fence, who needs to get it right the first time the fence goes up, so it’s the last time and the neighbour wars are over forever.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m currently employed by a great organization. It has given me every opportunity to be successful and grow as an employee. I feel in the near future I have the potential to be huge player in the organization. My salary is amazing and I love what I do for a living.
The problem is the organization is like a huge family and, for the most part, I don’t feel like I’m a part of it.
I think my relationship with people I work with is getting strained. The big problem is that I’m getting a bad reputation because I am apparently immature. I’m just wondering if I should I stick through this rough patch with my current employer, or should I look for an opportunity elsewhere? — Big Decision, Winnipeg
Dear Decision: How badly have you botched things with key players in this organization? If you think you’ve hit a glass ceiling because of immature behaviour at this great company, it’d be best if you patched up the problems with the people you have annoyed. If the things you have done or said cannot be apologized for or fixed in some way, and you can’t change your reputation, it might be time to look for a job at a similar level. Be prepared to move if those jobs are hard to find in this city. Write back and say what types of things you have done for more specific help. Also consider seeing a psychologist about smoothing off your rough edges and creating a more mature form of yourself.
Please send your questions or comments c/o firstname.lastname@example.org or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6.