Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Wait for right time for sex, but do get ready for it

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a new man in my life and I’ve been walking around feeling aroused for two weeks and don’t know what to do about it. It is too soon to go to bed with this guy — and I won’t make that mistake, because he’s really worth something — but my body wants what it wants. I have used items that buzz to relieve the stress but 30 minutes later I’m back wanting him again. So what should I do? — Climbing the Walls, Fort Garry Dear

Climbing the Walls: This would be a good time to get yourself ready for that first tryst with your new lover, rather than jumping the gun and short-circuiting your chance for a big romance. Fuelled by raging sexual desire and adrenalin, you should be able to move mountains, or at least turn your unused muscles into taut ones in three to four weeks. Put yourself on a little pre-sex program — do the beauty thing, buy new lingerie, fun clothes. Also, work out, start running and whacking at tennis balls to burn off energy. When you’re together, be plenty affectionate. Kiss in public, neck at the door, go parking, but stay away from that beckoning bedroom.

Then, one fine night you’ll fall into bed with him, when the time is right. How do you know when it’s right? When your emotional intimacy matches your physical desire. And how do you get there quicker? Do activities together and talk, talk, talk until you really know each other. For some people, in 2012, that could be a month or so. For others, who see a lot of each other, and talk a lot on the phone, it could be shorter. No one wants to go to bed with a prince and wake up with a toad. But some people who have sex too early don’t even want to wake up together.

They’re awkward, embarrassed, not sure what to say. Ask yourself: Is this a man I would like to have breakfast with — and would he want that? Or, would he put me in a cab and send me home at 4 a.m.? Also, if first sex was a little awkward, would you be turned off, or be quite happy to give it another whirl because you like each other so much? That’s not to say you have to be in love with a person you have sex with, but you have to know the person well and like them very much. Women need to respect the guy they’re with too, as respect is tied to physical response. Guys have a lesser need for respect, especially if the woman is drop-dead beautiful. But it still catches up if they are a total mismatch in interests and brain power.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I’m 51, dating a 37-year-old-guy. The 14-year difference doesn’t bother him, but it bothers my friends. They call him my boy toy and have made it clear they don’t want to be around him. They miss my ex-husband, Mr. Popularity, who cheated on me with many women, and they all knew it. Am I wrong to question my 25-year friendships with these people? Am I foolish or going through a mid-life crisis, as my friends tell me? — Upset and Confused, West Kildonan

Dear Upset: It makes sense to do what you want to do. Private life is a foreign concept to most North Americans, but it would behoove you to stop looking for approval from these frenemies. You suffered through your husband’s infidelities, which they knew about. They are his friends, not yours.

If your 37-year-old man is mature and not defined by his number and you are a young 51-year-old, why not drift off and let them wonder what you’re up to, instead of laying it all out for them, so they can criticize and give the cold shoulder to your new man? Though it may seem daunting to get a whole new groups of friends, it’d be wise to do some sorting and turfing now.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Please let Under the Covers know that Blue Cross (or whatever health care plan she has) will cover the costs of a S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder) light if she gets a prescription from her family physician. — Been There, Done That, Winnipeg Dear Been There: Consider the tip passed on. We have had an unusually long run of dark, cloudy weather in Manitoba and light-sensitive people are starting to feel low. Now is the time to do something about it.

 

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition November 7, 2012 D3

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