Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Accept the blunt truth from lover and move on

  • Print

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm deeply in love with a man of colour. I have no problem, but he has a problem with my colour. He says the women of his community will never accept me, and that includes his mother, who still lives back home. He said it's OK for him to have a girlfriend from the white community, as that is considered part of growing up, but when it's time to settle down, the wife must be of his same background and religion. This weekend I asked him bluntly if he would ever marry me, and he said sadly, "No, I can't. I would never upset my family that way." I was shocked. Do you think this means he doesn't love me and he's just making excuses? He says he does love me. -- Sunshine Fading, Winnipeg

Dear Fading: Love is not a trump card, as it is in so much of North American society. There are cultures where family, respect and tradition run much deeper than personal feelings of love and passion. When it comes to marrying, you're almost forming a business company -- a joining of two families, and hopefully, similar backgrounds, religious belief and financial status.

This man told you the blunt truth: marriage is just not going to happen for you two. Whether he is using his background and family as an excuse because he doesn't care that deeply, or whether he does, but is staying true to his family's desires, you might never know. What you do know is the answer is a definite no, and that should be enough to turn you away now.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm feeling all confused. I have this boyfriend and we're both incarcerated. I've been in the community twice with him and talked to him for the past three years. I want to settle and help myself. He does his own thing with his friends, acting like he ain't with anyone.

I feel like he doesn't share the same feelings that I have. I became pregnant last year and was due in December, but miscarried. That baby was gonna be his first and this has brought deep depression on me. We talked about having a family together and he wanted 15 (yes, that is correct) kids with me and I would love to more than anything, but I need him there for me physically and mentally.

My friends don't see him like I do. They're telling me to leave him alone, that he's too much into the street life, but I don't want to give up what we've created together. He makes me feel so good, we make each other laugh and no topic is unbearable. I'm not shy around him -- he is like my other half. Obviously, I'm into bad boys. He doesn't know I want to be done with street life and want to settle down, but jail has become a routine for us both and it's not healthy. What do you think I should do? -- Jailhouse Love, Manitoba

Dear Jailhouse Love: Because your love life can be frozen in time once you go to jail, it's hard to progress and to work things out one way or the other. You say how much you love your bad boy, and you also say he doesn't ever stop acting single.

Let's talk about how you know if a man is in love with you. You look at his actions, not his words and jokes, or his cute personality and performance in bed. Is he prowling the bars with buddies and hitting on other women when he's got time on the outside? Is he making any plans for the two of you when you get out? Does he have any intention of going straight so you can be a couple together? These are the things you have to think about -- his real actions.

So, here's a plan that doesn't depend on his behaviour. Use your thinking time in jail to research an educational course you can take to give you skills for when you get out. Can you start taking a course in jail? Can you find government support for a course you want to take when you're released? If you come out of that jail with no plan for yourself except to hitch back onto this unstable guy, you're likely to go back to jail again.

Please send your questions or comments c/o or mailletters to Miss Lonelyhearts

c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 17, 2014 G4

Fact Check

Fact Check

Have you found an error, or know of something we’ve missed in one of our stories?
Please use the form below and let us know.

* Required
  • Please post the headline of the story or the title of the video with the error.

  • Please post exactly what was wrong with the story.

  • Please indicate your source for the correct information.

  • Yes


  • This will only be used to contact you if we have a question about your submission, it will not be used to identify you or be published.

  • Cancel

Having problems with the form?

Contact Us Directly
  • Print

You can comment on most stories on You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

You can comment on most stories on You can also agree or disagree with other comments. All you need to do is be a Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscriber to join the conversation and give your feedback.

Have Your Say

New to commenting? Check out our Frequently Asked Questions.

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press print or e-edition subscribers only. why?

Have Your Say

Comments are open to Winnipeg Free Press Subscribers only. why?

The Winnipeg Free Press does not necessarily endorse any of the views posted. By submitting your comment, you agree to our Terms and Conditions. These terms were revised effective April 16, 2010.


Make text: Larger | Smaller


Drew Willy signs with Bombers through 2017

View more like this

Photo Store Gallery

  • A baby Red Panda in her area at the Zoo. International Red Panda Day is Saturday September 15th and the Assiniboine Park Zoo will be celebrating in a big way! The Zoo is home to three red pandas - Rufus, Rouge and their cub who was born on June 30 of this year. The female cub has yet to be named and the Assiniboine Park Zoo is asking the community to help. September 14, 2012  BORIS MINKEVICH / WINNIPEG FREE PRESS
  • Bright sunflowers lift their heads toward the south east skies in a  large sunflower field on Hwy 206 and #1 Thursday Standup photo. July 31,  2012 (Ruth Bonneville/Winnipeg Free Press)

View More Gallery Photos


Will you miss the old Banana Boat building?

View Results

View Related Story

Ads by Google