DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new girlfriend steals money from me after we do the wild thing. She never stays over. I am beginning to feel like a john. She's not a pro, but she behaves in this strange way. She never takes much -- just cab fare -- but it's a strange feeling to open one eye and see her going through my pants pockets. She says, "If you won't drive me home to my kids, I'm not paying to get myself there!" -- No Shape To Drive, Winnipeg
Dear No Shape To Drive: You're partly right: your girlfriend should not be going through your pockets. But, since you have a car, and you have a reason to be grateful, splash cold water on your face and drive the lady home to her children. If you don't want to do that, call her a cab, walk her to the car, kiss her goodbye and give the lady the fare and tip for the safe ride home late at night.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is an idiot. He got mixed up with a psycho who has left her husband for him, and gotten a place in Wolseley for them to shack up. She phoned me to blow the whistle. I guess he wasn't moving fast enough on their secret plot. My husband denies the moving out idea. He admits he once thought he was in love with her but realized -- since she left her husband -- it's me he really loves. Then he got really drunk on the pool deck. When he's drinking scotch, he fancies himself a poet. He came into the house reeling and told me he'd written, among other things: "You're a comfortable fit, like an expensive leather boot, worn to fit perfectly," and she is like a "tight new pair of shoes." I slapped his face hard and burst out crying. OK, I hate him now, but I still love him, and always will. He belongs to me! Please help me. -- Ripped in Pieces, Winnipeg
Dear Ripped: Love doesn't go away in a minute or even a week after an affair comes to light, but trust and respect are gone, and there's a hole in the magic bag of sand. Love does tend to seep away without major counselling and repairs. You may not want this woman to "win" your husband as her live-in partner, but your love will diminish. If so, how long do you want to stay with this liar and cheater? Granted, hanging on will hurt the other woman, and that's probably worth the effort for you, but a miserable way to live for long. Put a limit on how long you want to torture the other woman and be his comfortable old boot. And do this much now -- see a domestic lawyer unknown to your husband and find out how not to get taken in the settlement. Staying could leave him time to move money around, and you know he is not an honest man.
Questions or comments? Please email firstname.lastname@example.org or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6