DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: You are very judgemental about loving outside the box. The headline calling the grandmother's secret kissing in the car outside work Granny's Dirty Secret prompts me to write. We older women find that healthy, interested men are "thin on the ground." The longing for the physical expressions of love, such as deep kissing, and even intercourse, may be very intense.
I'm 78 and some months ago an old friend and I began to express our friendship sexually. I had been in a love desert for almost 30 years and he was in a loveless, sexless marriage. We have never experienced such delight in bed and my life has certainly become very much more enjoyable. I talked about it to my grandchildren and they are shocked but "glad that I'm happy." Leaving a marriage is complicated in old age, and besides, we both love and care about his wife and wouldn't abandon her -- wouldn't think of it. There are many variations to human love. -- Old, But Loving Sex and Not Ashamed
Dear Not Ashamed: Editors write the headlines in daily papers -- and this was a fair headline. You conveniently skipped over the real issue in that letter and my response, which was not about sex at an older age, but about her married grandmother having a secret affair that got discovered by the grandchild, and the grandkid refusing to drive grandma anymore to her job where her lover is.
Why you felt the need to tell your grandchildren about your affair (not your children?) with a married guy is baffling. Are you seeing him openly? Although your grandkids could be as old as 35, they may love their grandfather if he's alive or cherish his memory if he's gone. Why push them for approval? Why didn't you and he keep your affair private, since you "both love and care" about his wife, who's alive? By the way, you earlier said the justification for his side of the affair was this man's "loveless, sexless" marriage. Which is it?
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I love a beautiful man who is ugly to look at. He is so ugly people sometimes stop and stare until they catch themselves. I see his inner beauty. Because of the movie Beauty and the Beast, he charmingly calls me Beauty. I wouldn't trade my relationship for anything. -- Looked Deeply and Won, Downtown
Dear Deeply: I sometimes think "Hello. Who's in there?" would be a better question to ask a new person in front of you than any other. In the movie Cocoon, all the souls from another planet looked alike. What kind of relationships would we form if there were no different outside appearances from person to person? Would we form better love relationships if we were all blind to appearances? Voice, words, smell, touch and the taste (of a kiss) would be our remaining cues -- maybe that's all we really need. So many people are rejected on looks alone, especially in online dating.
Got thoughts on this, dear readers? Then write me at the address below and we'll publish the answers in an upcoming column.
Please send your questions or comments c/o firstname.lastname@example.org or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6