DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband made an idiot of himself at the block party BBQ. He's a heavy social drinker, but he had WAY too much tequila and started telling the guy making the steaks how to cook properly. When the guy said, "Back off, buddy," he started calling the guy an idiot and other choice names. Finally, the host asked him to leave. At that, my husband picked up the chocolate pie with whipped cream I made for the party, and was about to pie the guy in the face. Two neighbours grabbed my husband and hustled him back to our house holding one arm behind his back. I ran after them with the keys and they threw him in the door. I'm so ashamed. Should I go and apologize for my husband's behaviour? -- Wife of an Idiot, St. Vital
Dear Wife: Go and apologize for the scene (though not for him) so you feel better, even if he won't go with you. You need peace with your neighbors. But, it doesn't stop there. This is the turning point. Now, you seriously talk to your husband about getting help for his out-of-control drinking. If you can't get him to move on this issue, start attending Al-Anon meetings for the families and loved ones of alcoholics, and find out how to handle him and yourself.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I decided to simplify our messy, chaotic house by throwing out a bunch of my husband's stuff in a garage sale while he was out of town with friends at a golf tournament. I was really happy -- sold almost everything. The kids innocently told him, "Mommy sold all your stuff and now the garage is clean." He went nuts on me, over stuff he never uses. I don't know how to make it up to him. He won't take the money I made on his stuff and I can't get his stuff back. Why did he need all those old Playboys, stacks of tires and silver thingies and exercise equipment anyway? -- Trying to Purge, East Kildonan
Dear Purge: It doesn't matter what the objects were. It was his stuff, his empire. And YOU sold it off in a sneaky move while he was out-of-town with his buddies. Did you resent that trip? Sounds like it. What if he waited until you were away with girlfriends for a weekend and spent the day selling your old stuff in a garage sale without asking? Some things other people treasure have sentimental value. And, just because you're married to somebody doesn't mean their stuff is yours to dispose of. Instead of defending yourself, apologize from the bottom of your heart and promise never to throw any of his stuff away again, without permission.
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