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Ask your ex to turn down her volume

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I enjoy my porn addiction, so sue me! As a relief to my 12-hours-a-day work, I enjoy it thoroughly, although I admit I don't get out much anymore. My wife left six months ago, and she isn't coming back because of the so-called "addiction." I have no intention of getting "cured" of it. I like it and I prefer it to going out and hanging around in a bar. I still hold down the same job, walk my dog, visit my friends and live the same life I always did. So how come my ex is telling people who have no business knowing my personal life that I have a porn addiction? Should I get a lawyer and charge her to shut her up? Yes, my hobby takes up a few hours a night, but so what? It's private. I don't blab about what she did in bed, and with whom, when we were still married. -- Need To Shut Her Mouth, St. Vital

Dear Need: When someone is spreading nasty lies about you, it's worthwhile to get a lawyer. But if someone is spreading an unhappy truth about you, it's not so easy to get it stopped. It's neither libel nor slander. Because it's true, you don't have a case. If you and your wife have children, you can make the point that it's hurtful to their development to hear this stuff about their father -- even if it is true. It's very hard to address this problem at its source, because you haven't stopped and have no desire to quit. Your best bet is to call your ex-wife and ask her why she's gossiping to the extent that it's getting back to people who are telling you what she's doing and they aren't impressed. Blabbing about the sexual situation with one's ex doesn't reflect well on the gossiper or the gossipee.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I fell in love with a girl back in high school. We were inseparable -- did almost everything but have sex. We parted because we were both 17 and too young to get married. We both wanted to make love, but her mom got pregnant and HAD to get married and she wasn't taking any chances. Though we both wanted each other, we had university (different cities) and careers and travelling ahead of us. I often daydreamed about what the sex would have been like because I really loved her -- more than any woman since, including my ex-wife. We will be attending our high school reunion this spring and I was excited to hear she's gotten separated! I am divorced and "single." Last night, I composed a letter to her which I am thinking of sending to her via Facebook. It's not overtly sexual but contains a romantic fantasy I had about us when we were together. OK, it has some sex in it, but nothing offensive! What do you think? Should I send it? -- Excited, South Winnipeg

Dear Excited: If you want to send her screaming in the opposite direction, send an icky letter with too much information and a big sexual fantasy. Look, you can't start where you left off, even if it was heavy petting in the back seat of a car. Just like the game of Snakes and Ladders, you have arrived back at Square 1 over the years, with the advantage of having known each other at one time in the past. By all means ask to "friend" her on Facebook and start an ongoing friendship. A few exchanges later, you can mention you look forward to seeing her as an adult. But don't be premature about this reunion and send her a sexual fantasy. She's going through a separation now and you don't know when that might boomerang back into a marriage. Play it cool, even if it's killing you, and quietly get yourself into the best physical shape you possibly can, because she remembers you as a young man.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition April 22, 2012 A15

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