Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 2/11/2013 (1132 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm 13. I just found out my aunt used to be a man. She is married to my uncle, so I had no idea, except they don't have kids. So do I really have two uncles, and one is wearing a dress? Is that true? -- Shocked Nephew, Winnipeg
Dear Nephew: No, that's not true. What's true is that your aunt was born a woman in the wrong body, so she had to get operations that gave her the right body. Now her feminine soul and body match. Yes, you have a real auntie, not a guy in a dress. No one has been betrayed, least of all you. What she had to do was very brave, but she had to get it done. Give her your love and support and remember she is more woman than many women because she had to fight to get it straightened out.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Why do women take so long to get out of the house? I picked my new girlfriend up for a dinner date -- it was probably going to be the first time we would have sex -- and I sat in her living room for 23 minutes while she fussed around getting ready. We ended up waiting until her nails had dried. I got mad and let her know I didn't appreciate her wasting my time, then we quarrelled over dinner and ended up not having sex. She's a natural beauty, so why does she bother gilding the lily? We're just going to mess up her makeup anyway -- Disrespects My Time, Westwood
Dear Time: Do you know how many guys are reading your letter of complaint thinking, "You idiot!?" You knew this was probably going to be the "first time" making love with your new lady. No wonder you were excited to get going, but what a bad day to get yourself in a snit and ruin the mood -- over 23 minutes! Leisure time isn't always about you and your schedule. This beautiful lady wanted everything about her to be perfect for fussy you. A wise man would have picked up a book or magazine, settled in and greeted his lady with a kiss, not a scowl, when she finally came around the corner, ready for a first night of love together.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: New neighbours are moving into the house next door, and I am watching in complete shock. The couple don't know I live here. I'm that man's ex-wife from his 20s -- a marriage that only lasted a year. I have not seen him since the day 25 years ago he left me a goodbye note and took off to Toronto. He was young, felt trapped in the marriage and left me devastated. He and his wife shouldn't be moving in here. Is fate laughing at me? How do I handle this? I can't creep around forever, and why should I? -- Looking Out the Window at Him, River Heights
Dear Looking: This shouldn't cause you any more angst if you face it quickly. March yourself out next time you see them together by the car or doing yard work. Shake hands, and say to the husband: "I believe we were married before. How are you doing after 25 years? And this is your new wife? Nice to meet you. I'm so-and-so. I live next door." If nobody says anything -- I'm betting on shocked silence -- you say goodbye and pop back into your house. This is no longer your problem. They can work it out, from that point on, and avoid you if they feel uncomfortable. Oh, to be a fly on their walls! Maybe fate brought your ex back here to pay some consequences.
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