DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This is in response to Looked Deeply, the woman who wrote in about falling in love with someone that isn't very attractive. I can relate because I've fallen in love with someone who is far from the "type" of man I have always felt I was attracted to. I'm quite tall for a woman, and reasonably attractive. My ex, whom I divorced after 25 years, was tall, dark and handsome, as I always felt my ideal partner would be.
The man that fell into my life when I wasn't looking is shorter than me, somewhat overweight, bald, and pretty average-looking. But I simply don't care. When I look at him, I find myself incredibly attracted to him, both physically and emotionally. He's an amazing man, and he makes my heart smile. In time I hope that we will spend our lives together, but we've both been stung pretty badly by our respective failed marriages, so are taking our time.
They say second long-term relationships are often much better because we made many of our mistakes in our first marriages, so are better equipped to know what we really need and want in a life partner. I think I've found my Prince Charming for real this time, and I learned a life lesson. I was humbled by my own change in values for a desirable partner. I've matured. My new values are rooted in kindness, love, and mutual respect. -- Humbled and Loved, Winnipeg.
Dear Humbled: Congratulations on your new-found taste. Wouldn't it be great if people had this same set of values early in life without having to learn through a painful marriage to the not-so-attractive interior person, and the messy divorce that follows? Young love, unfortunately, is not blind. In fact, it's highly visual. And sadly, that doesn't change much with age for most human beings.
Experts say about 80 per cent of online flirtations -- across all age groups -- collapse the moment the couple first claps eyes on each other for real no matter how close they had become online and over the phone. But one place where that happens in reverse is at work. At first co-workers only care about the interior person: how he or she works, gets along with others, problem solves, etc. It's bad form to be chasing people romantically at work, but people have time to learn to admire someone they work with, which often leads to them looking attractive too. In fact, some colleagues are shocked to wake up one day and realize they are already in love with a special person across the room.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend is 15 and he thinks it's a big turn on when he blows in my ear. I hate it! It's like a mosquito and I want to swat him. It is so stupid. I asked all my friends how they felt and not one girl likes that move. Please tell the guys that for us. -- Get Out Of Our Ears! A Winnipeg high school.
Dear Get Out: By the time guys are past high school they have all been told very clearly ear-blowing is a turn off. But we'll give it a big push right now for you young lovelies and hope young male readers will pass this info on to other guys who still think it's a hot move.
Please send your questions or comments c/o firstname.lastname@example.org or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6