DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife is too interested in my best friend and his physique. He used to be quite the hound dog with women until he got married and fat. His wife left him recently and now my wife sees him at the gym and comments on how he's getting back into shape. At first she was mildly interested in seeing his "big beer belly" dissolve, but now he is pumping iron in earnest and it seems she is right down there, counting each muscle. Today she came home and said, "Well, he has a real six-pack now." I said, "How do you know if he was wearing a shirt at the gym?" and she just looked at me stunned, like a deer in the headlights. Then she said awkwardly, "Oh, I just know." What does she mean by that? -- Don't Trust Those Two, St. James
Dear Don't Trust: Sign yourself up for a gym membership. She probably isn't fooling around with him yet because she's still talking openly about how he looks. If they were sneaking around, she'd clam up. It's time to make your presence known. If your buddy asks what inspired you to join the gym, say something weird and confusing like, "My wife was talking about your ab development and I got interested myself." He'll probably give you a lot more space after that. Take the space and don't go back to being as friendly as before.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I ate too much at a carnival, went on some rides and then threw up. My date was neither amused nor helpful. In fact, he asked if I would ride home on the bus if he gave me the money, so I wouldn't throw up in his nice new truck. I started crying and he said, "I was just kidding, heh, heh." But he wasn't really. I got a ride home in his truck, but he was silent and nervous all the way. Is this enough reason to break up with him? He is my first boyfriend. I'm 16 and school starts soon. -- Tempted to Dump Him, Winnipeg.
Dear Tempted: When schools starts, there will be a whole bunch of new guys to get to know and most of them would behave with more kindness. Being sick and throwing up is part of life sometimes. When someone is sick or in trouble, good-quality friends don't take off. You can easily find a better guy than this. So what if it's your first boyfriend or your fourth? It's OK to be single and it's really freeing to understand that early in life.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I stole my girlfriend's car keys when she had been drinking too much and kept them until the next day. She is 41, and said, "I'm an adult and you don't get to make those decisions for me. I am not your child." I said to her: "I love you and I would be devastated if you got killed, so I do have the right to confiscate your keys. If I had asked for them, you would have hidden them from me." She would have, too. Who is right? -- Worried Guy, West End
Dear Worried: To my mind, you have the right to save her life or the life of others who are endangered by her driving drunk. Being polite isn't always right. If she's a stubborn drunk and would hide the keys and then drive home blasted, you're better to risk her anger than to risk anybody's life.
Please send your questions or comments c/o firstname.lastname@example.org or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6