Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Boyfriend's right; you should wait

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm 18 and in love with my boyfriend. He's crazy about me. We have one problem. I want to get married soon and create a beautiful home for us and have children and make a real family. He says we're 10 years too young for that, and I should go to college or university and start a career first, like he wants to do. I don't want to do that. I'm a very successful server in a great restaurant and I make a lot of money. I can always do that again after our kids are in grade school. I have very high marks coming out of high school, and I can change my mind one day or take courses online. My boyfriend and I both come from divorced families and my dream is to have a beautiful married life with two kids at least and a husband I love. What's wrong with that? I know lots of girls my age who are like me and feel this way. Maybe if my parents hadn't screwed up I wouldn't, but they did. I need to correct it. -- New Old-Fashioned Girl, Winnipeg

Dear New Old-Fashioned Girl: If you take an ambitious 18-year-old guy and force him into an early marriage, you'll more than likely end up in divorce. And, if you get pregnant on purpose to trap him into marriage, he will resent you deeply -- so much for love and trust. Also, women change and mature significantly two or three times before they reach their late 20s. The guy you want to marry at 18 may not be the guy you'd pick to marry at 24 or 28. If you really want to create a warm, tight, lasting family unit, wait until you have the education and maturity to make it work. Having your own career in place would take some of the burden off your husband's shoulders. It costs a lot to support two or more kids and a wife alone -- so much pressure! And what about pressure on you? A serving job at a restaurant may be fine for you now -- but do you really want to be a mother all day, and then turn around and serve people for six hours at night at a restaurant?

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I am worried sick because my mother is coming from South America to try to rip apart the engagement I have just made with my dear girlfriend in Winnipeg. My mother is a force of nature, a hurricane! Why do you think I came to Canada? Now she thinks she may never see her little boy (that's me, age 30) living back "home," she is on her way to fight off this devil woman who often keeps me overnight at her apartment. I just got the email today -- Mama is on the way for the month of July. I refuse to stop sleeping with my girlfriend for a whole month and entertain my mother over at my place. How do I keep Mama from making an enemy out of my girlfriend, and running her off? -- Feeling Panic, Winnipeg

Dear Panic: Start showing your teeth right now. Many a man has escaped halfway across the world to avoid his mother running his life back home. Email Mama back ASAP and tell her NOT to bother buying the ticket if she's coming to try to break you up with your girlfriend. Warn her your love is a "tough Canadian woman" who will help you fight her head on if she makes any effort to cause trouble. Also warn Mom you will sleep at your girlfriend's place, as usual, and she will be on her own at your place at night. And, let her know you will put her on the first flight home if she interferes in any way. Who knows, after the initial showdown when sees she's not going to win, she may have new respect for you, and be nice to your woman in an effort to keep you in her life, even long-distance.

 

Questions or comments? Please email lovecoach@hotmail.com or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition June 18, 2013 C4

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