Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Can't untangle relationship knots after kinky game

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I got mad at my boyfriend when we were playing a little game a week ago, and I left him tied to my kitchen chair as a lesson. Then I went to the pet store to get some cat food and kitty litter, planning to be back within an hour -- but I didn't tell him that. He got himself free after 20 minutes and then stuffed all my best dresses into a bag and took them to his apartment. I love my beautiful dresses and he knows it. He says I will never get my stuff (about $800 worth) back until I apologize to him, on bended knee. That's not going to happen! One of my friends has volunteered to go to visit him, ostensibly to talk about me, and then send him outside on some excuse and steal my clothes back. Is it really stealing when it's your own stuff? -- Not a Thief, Wolseley

Dear Not a Thief: You don't say your age, but you sound very young. Do you know that both of you did something illegal? When your boyfriend made off with $800 worth of clothing, he was stealing. When you left him tied up in a room and took off, the consensual sex game was over. You were forcibly confining the man, which is not funny, not cute and definitely illegal.

Don't involve any other friends in this nonsense. Ask for your clothes back and say you're sending a friend or your parents to come and get them -- his choice -- but you will not be coming at all. This must end the games. Why? Because now it's breakup time. You two can't afford to be together. It makes you act foolish enough to get into serious trouble. At least one person out of a couple needs to have good sense if they're going to play games.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is tough and confusing. Four months ago my ex and I broke up over my seeing guy friends from way back and my lying about it by saying I was going out with my girlfriends. I didn't tell my guy friends about my jealous boyfriend because I didn't want them to dislike who I was dating. When he found out, we ended up arguing every time I went somewhere. I couldn't stand the fact he thought I was capable of cheating due to my lies.

Now, we've been seeing each other again for three weeks. The time apart made us realize we missed and loved one another, but when I asked him if we could be in a relationship -- because we're doing everything you would normally do in a relationship -- he said no. He told me: "I have to get my priorities done," meaning his schooling and the fact he wants to fix how he is in a relationship. If we wait too long we could meet someone else. Should I be patient and not worry so much or stop doing what we're doing in order to know if he wants to be with me? -- Open Heart, Winnipeg

Dear Open Heart: There's nothing better than sex with an ex who's doing everything to try to impress. For your own sake, stop. He's giving you the big line about "priorities," but it's really about not trusting you and he's got quite the deal now -- free sex with an ex and there's little ol' you trying to win him back. There's a big problem here: He's the WRONG GUY and you're wasting your time on him.

You need a confident guy who knows he's your man and isn't worried about your old guy friends. Your kind of guy should be happy to meet your pals and socialize with them and their mates. And here's good news: Real friends who know the natural you to a depth will usually like a person who is right for you.

Please send your questions or comments to lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts, Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition November 17, 2013 A15

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