Concerned readers offer advice to Abused and In Love

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I knew a couple in a similar situation to the one described by Abused and In Love, Tuxedo. The wife was trying to force her husband to leave her so she could keep the house, etc. Instead, he got a restraining order against her and she got very little. The man who wrote must first come to terms with the fact that this woman never loved him and that he fell in love with a lie. He is the victim of a manipulative gold-digger and has the right to beat her at her own game. I suggest he take her somewhere while having video cameras installed to document her abuse. Quietly, he should work to protect whatever assets he can and change his beneficiary on insurance policies, etc. He needs to hire the best divorce lawyer and follow his advice without tipping her off as to what he is doing, because this type of person, possibly a sociopath, is capable of anything. He needs to prepare himself for a nasty divorce. He will need the emotional support of friends and family and he may need physical protection too. --Concerned Lady, Stonewall, Mb.

Dear Concerned: It's interesting that so many women have responded -- and not one man. This shows women are just as concerned about abuse to male partners as to female partners and that is gratifying. Your suggestion about the video cameras is excellent, although he doesn't need any more abuse to prove it's happening. I think he should move on this situation with the police now, not after another beating. Phone bashing to the head can give a person a brain injury and/or contribute to deafness. And, abusers get creative and quickly move on to other blunt instruments. Unfortunately, this man is still in the falling-out-of-love process, so you are probably right -- that there will be more and it should be documented.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in response to Abused and in Love. He should speak to a lawyer immediately. From his letter it sounds as if the marriage was pretty recent. While I am not a lawyer, I am a paralegal for a family law lawyer and (generally speaking) Manitoba Law does not provide that assets acquired pre-marriage are not necessarily shareable on divorce. Unless he added his wife to all his accounts, investments and title to the property, it may be that she wouldn't get anything. She may have a Homestead interest in the family home even if she was not added to title, but even that may not be a 50/50 split. It could certainly be that she does not "have him for 50 percent." -- Seen this Scenario a million times, North End

Dear Million Times: Thanks for your valuable advice. You'll note that nowhere did Abused mention a pre-nuptial agreement. A pesky pre-nup introduced by a wealthy fiancé may seem unromantic, but it's not just to protect money and assets in case of a divorce. It can also flush out a gold-digger (or expose a cheapskate, for that matter). As for the abuse this bride is meting out, Abused needs to call the police and charge her for the recent phone beating incident, rather than his warning her against another beating -- and then he'll report her. If he is too embarrassed to call the police, a lawyer -- not one he shares with his violent wife -- should be called immediately to help him deal with this and show her that legal authorities know and she is now being watched.

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 8, 2012 C4