Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Confront boyfriend about note from his former wife's mother

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm freaking out! I think my boyfriend is involved with his former wife's mother. He was first married to a very young woman of 19 and then her mom came to Manitoba for their little wedding and the woman was only 38 and even more beautiful, smarter and funnier. My guy was 32 at the time. He told me once, in an unguarded moment, he really fell for the mom in a big way when he met her at the wedding, but it was way too late and nothing ever happened. The young wife rejected him within two years for a musician who was younger and much more her type anyway. This morning I was snooping in his jeans pocket to get some change for the bus and found a copy of an email note from the mom (who has an unusual foreign name) and it had a tone to it that sounded almost, I want to say, heartbroken? I really don't know what to do. I'm scared to ask anything or my own heart with break. I love this man. Please help me. -- Loving Him Deeply, Winnipeg

Dear Loving: Sometimes we think not asking will make the bad thing go away. But, there are good reasons for asking: 1) The "relationship" with the mom may be one-sided (at this point) and that's why she's heartbroken; 2) He may declare it's you who cured him of his desire for her and; 3) your imagination may be far worse than the real situation. If it turns out he has been carrying on online relationship with her behind your back, you may need to walk, and get some serious counselling to help you through the breakup. You need the truth and you have the note that demands an explanation. Don't pretend you didn't snoop and read it. That's the lesser sin. He has been hiding this from you. What was the date on the note? If it's an old one, you still have to wonder why he's carrying it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Sleeping, with my bickering neighbours next door, is almost impossible. They don't hit each other (yet) but they fight on average two to three times a week, and then they make up and I don't know which is the worse racket. I have a two-bedroom apartment and the larger bedroom is the one that shares a wall with these weirdos. I have pounded the wall with my fist and yelled, "Shut up in there!" and they only stop for five minutes and then they're back at it again. I hate to report them to the super because then I will have big enemies, The guy is a scary-looking dude with a motorcycle. Don't tell me to move, as this is two blocks from my work. They should be told to leave. -- Sleepless, Westwood

Dear Sleepless: You're already unpopular for pounding on the wall, so why not talk make some more trouble for The Bickersons? Go see the caretaker today. No results by the end of a week? Call the property managers, complain with dates and concrete examples, and ask for the couple to be warned or asked to leave, or to be moved to another suite ASAP (since you want to stay). To get some rest in the meantime, you have two choices -- ear plugs or switching to the second bedroom. For tonight at least, switch your bed to the opposite wall and put in some gummy ear plugs that form 100 per cent to the ear, turn on a fan for white noise and have yourself a decent sleep. Then make your complaints count by talking sensibly but assertively to people who have the power to make changes.

Email problems for Miss Lonelyhearts to lovecoach@hotmail.com or send letters to 1355 Mountain Ave., R2X 3B6.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition June 28, 2012 D5

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