Confront your wife: tell her you know about her plans to cheat

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I've been reading my wife's Facebook chats with a former co-worker. She occasionally forgets to clear her history. They apparently have had the hots for each other and the comments get racier as the year has passed. They tried to hook up before, but there were complications. It's clear they will meet in the next two weeks. My wife is a smart, funny, good looking, hard-bodied woman. We have a great life (two teens, lots of family vacations, lots of friends, very financially secure) and have great sex twice a week (she admits it to her friend, but says she want more variety). I don't want her to know I know, because I promised myself and told her that if she cheated, we will get divorced. Right now, my two boys are at their most vulnerable stage of life. I feel I can suck it up for the next five years till the youngest is well into university. The problem is I also get waves of depression wondering why she would risk our marriage for this guy. None of the options I can think of have a happy ending. -- Fear Wife is Going to Cheat, Winnipeg

Dear Fear: Intervene right now, before it's too late. Take this possible tryst from a "lark" in your wife's mind to a definite catastrophe. Let her know you've read her open Facebook and are well aware of their plans to have sex. Warn her not to do it, for the sake of your family and the loss of your deep feelings -- and the lifestyle she enjoys. You don't have to say the word d-i-v-o-r-c-e, but imply there will be grave consequences. If you do nothing now, it will be a big mistake. And, if you keep quiet, and she finds out after the disaster that you actually knew about the plan beforehand, she may say, "Why didn't you do anything to fight for me, if I mattered so much to you? I thought you didn't love me blah-blah-blah." So take this cloak-and-dagger romance out of the dark today. It's doubtful she'd want to leave you, once she knows she has a choice to make -- your life together or a tryst with this old co-worker. Why would she chance losing all the wonderful things you two have? Also send the guy a Facebook message that will shock him. Tell him you know everything and that you may be in contact with his wife and/or girlfriend. Also tell him this: "My wife is the love of my life and I will fight for our marriage." He'll run away very fast, This was just supposed to be a fling and you have taken all the fun out of it.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm 18. I was up at Grand Beach -- very crowded day just after noon. My buddy had gone for a walk down the beach. I was casually watching this woman who was about 28 or so, in a string bikini at the next blanket. She had taken her her top off. I was looking, and why not? She was showing herself in public. Finally, she sat bolt upright and yelled at me, "What are you staring at?" I thought it was perfectly obvious, so I tried to be funny and said jokingly, "The twins, of course." Then she viciously took a big handful of sand and gravel and threw it hard at my face. I got some in my right eye, and it really hurt. I grabbed at my eye and staggered into the water and dove right under which kind of washed it out. When I came back to my blanket, she said "Serves you right, you creepy little perv!" That was it. I called her a few choice names, and we left. On the way home early with my buddy, I thought there must have been a better way to handle the situation, but I can't think of one. What would you have suggested? -- Sore Eye, Transcona

Dear Sore: Swearing just makes you look immature, guilty and out-of-control. You should have stood up so you were towering above her and said: "You overestimate your own beauty. I was looking past you at a beautiful girl over there, who still has her top on. You might take a tip from her." The object should have been to get the best of her -- and stay at the beach and enjoy the rest of the day. You punished yourself. By the way, why do you think mirrored sunglasses which are so terribly dated, still sell so well in the summer?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My mother is a dominating shrew and my dad is weak. She has decided she's going to take her grandchildren for two weeks this summer and I have said no. My wife doesn't want to give them up for two weeks either. We love having our kids around. My mother has started sneak calling my wife, trying to wear her down. I phoned and told my mother to stop, but she continues and my dad says, "Duh, what's the harm? Your ma just wants to see her grandkids." What should I do? -- Son of a Bully, River Heights

Dear Son of a Bully: Phone your mother up and tell her she's welcome to take the kids out to activities, but they are not leaving your house for more than one overnight at a time, and that's that. If she tries to keep them past the agreed night by simply not bringing them back, show up unnannounced and pick them up. You're the boss of these kids, and she is not the boss of you.

Please email problems to lovecoach@hotmail.com or send letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/0 the Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave. R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition July 18, 2012 C4