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Counselling required

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm a sound sleeper. My wife has always said the place could blow down in a tornado and I wouldn't notice. I guess she was counting on that. We had company last weekend -- a couple from our high school days we had re-met at a school reunion. We took them to our cabin and had a big party, lots of tequila. For some reason, in the dead of night, I woke up to strange noises and shrieks from the guest cottage, and my wife was not in bed with me. I staggered out to the cottage and found the three of them getting it on in the boathouse. They were drunk. I grabbed the keys and drove home to Winnipeg in a pair of shorts. My wife arrived back in the city the next day at noon. Ever since, I have refused to speak to her except a few necessary words and I don't want to hear one word she has to say. She says they were drunk and didn't know what they were doing. She has said, "I'm sorry, we were drunk, it's you I love" a thousand times." Please help me. -- Broken Man, Winnipeg

Dear Broken: Silence is not getting you anywhere, although it IS punishing your wife. Enough! Listen to what else she has to say now. She knows your heart is broken and you're hurt and angry. You may, or may not, want to break up the marriage over this, but it will help YOU to express what you feel, even once. "Being drunk doesn't cut it. How could you do that to me?" is one question that needs asking. "You knew I was a sound sleeper and you thought you could get away with it" is another thing that needs saying. She needs to tell you how it all came about. You need to hear her feelings of remorse and tell her your feelings of betrayal on so many levels. You then need to see a relationship counsellor to work on these issues, even if you end up walking. If you split without talking, you will carry a far greater load of pain. Unanswered questions repeat like a tape on a loop, for years.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm 65 and have met a functional older man (doesn't need Viagra) of 74. We are in love. We'd like to be intimate now, but I'm afraid it might be too strenuous for his heart. He says his doctor says he's healthy and his heart is fine and he should give it a shot. I'm devoted to this man, but what if something bad happens? I don't think I could ever get over it. I'd feel responsible. What do you think about risking it? -- Seriously Worried, River Heights

Dear Worried All that has to change in this equation is your attitude. The doctor has examined him, and says he is good to go. What else do you need? Where do you think this relationship is going to end up if it becomes mired in worry and this man wants one last love relationship?

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition August 2, 2012 D8

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