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Did food fight put fork in relationship?

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This little fiasco happened when I was out for dinner with my new man at The Forks -- third date, no sex yet. We were liking each other a lot until my entrée arrived. Then, without asking my permission, he reached over and plucked two large, delicious shrimp from my dinner. Not being a shy person, I reached right back and took a large piece of meat off his plate without asking his permission. He looked shocked, but got the point. Then he put the one uneaten shrimp back on my plate, and I cut off half the meat and gave it back to him. We said nothing more about it, but conversation was stilted after that. He hasn't called for three days, which is unlike him -- a guy who regularly texts six times a day. Is it over? Should I call him and hint the next time would be make-up sex? -- Need Strategy, Tuxedo

Dear Strategy: Don't offer your body. Verbal communication is what both of you have been lacking and a sex-only incident wouldn't help either one of you learn respect for each other. Sex should be a celebration for a new couple, not a peace offering. You might email or text him and ask if you could make peace over the silly food fight while enjoying a patio drink or two. Make that meeting time 8 p.m. or later (not dinner again). You need the temperature outside to be cooling off, too. Heated discussions are worse in full sun when people are crankier. So cool off together at a new place and find out how he would have liked you to respond when he commandeered your shrimp. Grabbing his steak was like an brother-sister fight and stalled the passion he may have been feeling.


Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I've been living with a woman who likes to go to the beach with an available girlfriend occasionally after my girl finishes her midnight to morning shift. She doesn't even take a nap, so she'll text me in the afternoon to say she's tired. Then they go to the bar and hang out with local men they've known for a while until 2 a.m. or later. Her friend drives responsibly and will leave any time, but my girl says she's having fun and usually drinks more and decides when they'll go. When I express concern or say that I don't see why she wants to stay up all those hours and hang out with those men while I'm waiting for her, she says I'm weak and insecure. Your thoughts? -- Night Life Questions, Winnipeg

Dear Night Life: Too bad you're already living with her. Would you still be dating a woman who did this, whether she cheats or not? How old is she? Going to the beach with a girlfriend after shift is OK; staying to drink a lot with guys she knows until 2 a.m. or later is quite another. This sounds like immature behaviour -- careless of your feelings as her lover, and disrespectful, too. Either she changes her ways, or one of you packs. That's not being weak or insecure; it's having a healthy amount of respect for yourself.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I read the column about the couple having trouble with stinky feet (he doesn't want to throw out his shoes). I purchase boric acid. It comes in a 125-gram bottle in powder form -- a topical antiseptic and astringent. I sprinkle it into the sticky shoes and leave it there; your socks will absorb it. I also put some in warm water and soak the feet in it for about 15 minutes. If they still stink, repeat. This stuff with neutralize the odour and it is gone. If the problem comes back later on, repeat the process. It works wonderfully and is natural. We've never had to throw out a good pair of shoes yet. -- Smelling Fine, Windsor Park.

Dear Smelling Fine: No one wants to have stinky feet. They just live in the smell and get used to it. As well as taking your advice, this woman could buy her stubborn/cheap hubby a new pair of shoes or sandals just like the stinky ones he loves so much. She might say, "Here's some new models of your favourite shoes, darling, and a supply of boric acid to keep them smelling great. Unfortunately, your old ones seem to have disappeared," all delivered with a good-natured grin, not sarcasm. It all boils down to just doing what works and getting past the problem quickly, before resentment sets in. Being "right" when addressing personal hygiene issues with your partner isn't as important as being happy, comfortable and still attracted.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition August 11, 2014 D4

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