Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend is a meat eater and I am, proud to say, a new vegan. The other night after dinner he wanted to have sex, and I was totally turned off because I could still smell the stinky meat on his breath. I asked him to "wait a while until he'd digested the animal parts in his stomach." He got real mad and said to me, "Someone's getting light-headed from eating too many veggies and not enough meat. And, and by the way, those are nice leather shoes you're wearing. Whose hide were they made of -- Bambi's?" Then he slammed out the door on his way out to go to the bar.
When he came home, he wanted to kiss and make up, but by that time, he had stinky beer breath. When I brought that up, he said, "OK, that's enough crap from you." I could hear the click as he turned off and went cold. "I'll talk to you about this in the morning." That next day he said: "I don't like the person you're turning into. I don't want to live beside you and your snotty vegan attitudes." This afternoon he moved back home to his mom's basement and left me alone in my place. How do I get him back? Is it even possible? -- Love Him! West End
Dear Love Him: There are lots of happy couples in Winnipeg who adhere to different diets. The key is you have to respect the other person's choice. Right now neither one of you respects the other, but consider this: You are eating plants that lost their lives for you, and he is eating animals that lost theirs for him. Think about that.
If you still think you are right because you are vegan, and he is wrong and disgusting, you might be better off to hang out with a vegan crowd where you can find someone who thinks, cooks and eats like you do.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband is a good man, but we have gone our separate ways for years. We still live in the same big house on two different floors, and often eat meals together or entertain together, but we have long had an unspoken "don't ask, don't tell" agreement about our private love lives.
I found out his long-term female friend has been seriously ill lately and I wonder if I should break the cone of silence and talk to my husband about it. He seems very sad. My lover is still OK for me, although he's 20 years older than I am and the lovemaking is very infrequent. Should I do the civil thing and offer my sympathy to my husband about his lady friend, or is that just too awkward? -- Open Marriage With Compassion, Tuxedo
Dear Open: Unless you also want to confide about your outside love life, it suddenly opens up an uneven playing field of discussion. This aspect of having a private life elsewhere has worked for you two, largely because you have never talked about the emotions or sexual details, so there was less chance for hurt and jealousy.
Since it's been a long-term affair, chances are your husband has another set of friends in conjunction with his other woman. He would find it much easier to talk about her illness with them. You could always say something like, "I know you are going through a hard time right now, and I'm sorry," but there are lines that need to stay drawn for both of you. If, for instance, your husband's mistress is terminally ill, it would not be good for you to ask to go to the funeral as his support.
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