Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Disappointing search for love needs a big shove

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm a gay male in my early 40s. I getting very tired trying to find love on Internet dating sites. It seem most gay males are not looking for a relationship, just a one night stand, or sometimes their standards are actually too high. I'm a good person with a child in my life, but my child doesn't live with me. Maybe some gay guys don't like to have a child in their lives -- I don't know.

I try the bars, gyms, Rainbow Resource Centre and other groups just to meet someone, but I've had no luck. I'm a blue-collar worker and love in what I do. I have a hard time using words like a professional sometimes, but that doesn't mean I'm stupid. I don't make a high income like some other guys out there.

Winnipeg does have a good amount of gay people, but some are married or have a girlfriend and are cheating on them. I don't want that. My ex-partner cheated on me and I know how it feels. I fear I'm going to be single for the rest of my life! What can I do? I have so much love to give, but no one seems to want it. -- Giving Up On Love, Winnipeg

Dear Giving Up: Don't give up. The best way to get to know a big group is to get into the volunteer or organizational aspect of it. Then everybody gets to know you, and you get to know people as friends first. When you simply show up and attend events here and there, you relate to the leaders and volunteers and hope to get to know others on a hit or miss basis. You're a useful blue-collar guy, so roll up your capable sleeves and get to work within some groups you find interesting. Ask about how you can get involved in charitable efforts attached to the Rainbow Resource Centre and Club 200.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I read with interest the reply you published about Stuck addressed to the family doctor regarding an asexual person you thought needed psychiatric counselling. The doctor maintained the person did not need a psychiatrist or a psychologist and I agree, but neither of you suggested the cheapest and pill-free prescription of all: exercise. Anxiety, stress and low self esteem, can be helped in spades by going for a long walk, jogging, joining a gym, etc. The results are feeling and looking better, and also meeting people who do not judge you, as you might find they may have had some of the same problems.

I used to work in a very stressful job I loved. To unwind and relieve the stress, I started running, joined a gym and have never taken any medication. I am now into my 70s and still work out, walk lots, have a wonderful social life, do not feel my age and I am told do not look my age. No pills, no psychiatrists, no psychologists and very rarely a doctor. -- Feeling Great, Winnipeg

Dear Feeling Great: The important asexual issue for Stuck is ignored in your letter, although exercise can certainly improve the appearance problem she also referred to. I suggested a physician and psychological help to determine if the woman is really asexual or just feeling lack of desire (possibly a hormone imbalance) or lack of confidence about her looks and presentation with prospective love partners, i.e. the "scared to get naked" syndrome. Having said this, a very small portion of the population is truly asexual -- just not interested in sex -- although they may be cuddly and affectionate. It's important to find out if you are truly part of that group or not. Trying to find a romantic partner when you're truly asexual is difficult unless she searches an older demographic than herself. If there's a local asexual social club, I would like readers to write to the address below with information and contacts.

Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition December 7, 2013 G4

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