Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Ditching you for strip club is a low-class act

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was at my boyfriend's house last night, having a bonfire and enjoying some bevvies. I had my daughter with me and she was asleep in the house safely. Suddenly a fellow from the group suggested they go to the strip club. My boyfriend said he wanted to go. I don't have an issue with this, if I can attend as well. He knows I couldn't go because of my daughter, so I went to bed. He didn't come home until 3 a.m. Do you think it's fair for me to be upset about this and to feel completely disrespected? Should I stay or should I go? It's like, "Fool me once shame on you, fool me twice shame on me," and I feel like I've been fooled one too many times already and my kindness towards him is being taken advantage of. -- Sincerely Torn, Winnipeg

Dear Torn: A devoted boyfriend wouldn't have taken off to the strip club with his friends, abandoning you -- a guest at his house. A tougher woman would have raised a fuss and gone home. You can get better treatment from a better grade of boyfriend, but, you have to want a good guy. That's not the same thing as a boring guy, in or out of bed. So, start honouring the strong feelings you have in your gut of being disrespected and of being played for a sucker, and say goodbye.

You may want to read a book called Why Men Love Bitches by Sherry Argov, which is just a commercial name to get attention. The book teaches women how to stop being a doormat and how to be a strong, standup person. These women don't put up with disrespect and consciously choose men who appreciate their kindness, instead of seeing that generosity as an invitation to be poorly treated.

P.S. Your judgment is dangerous in other areas. Why would you leave your daughter in the house with a bunch of guys who were drinking and going off to a strip club, walking in and out of the house for drinks and to use the bathroom? I don't care how old she is -- she needs better care. How would you feel if a babysitter did this?

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I've been in a long distance relationship with a guy since December 2012. For the first several months, everything was great: we were very affectionate with each other and texted each other all day. I'm guessing this was the "honeymoon phase" where everything is all lovey-dovey for a while. After about six months, that stopped suddenly. I'm not sure why. Just yesterday, I found out he had removed me from his friends list on Facebook and Skype -- of course I was very upset because I didn't know why.

I managed to get hold of him again via Skype, and asked why he'd deleted me. He said he was beginning his army training in two weeks and that he "sucks at saying goodbye." He didn't even have the decency to tell me this before he decided to shut me out and that was very cowardly on his part. So I want your opinion on this: Was it really necessary to delete me from his friends lists even though we wouldn't be talking to each other for a long time? I still have unanswered questions, so should I try to contact him again? -- Shut out, Winnipeg

Dear Shut Out: That was lowly worm behaviour. You can't pretend you haven't seen it now. Would you advise your best friend to give another chance to someone like this? The "unfriending" without telling you was lily-livered and you should recognize much of what he said to you for the last six months was probably lies. It sounds like you never even met in person, so how could you check out his real-life situation?

What you need is an available guy who lives in the city and can hug you and love your personality and introduce you to family and friends. And, you can freely love him back. You have spent too much time -- approximately nine months -- chasing an unavailable man who may or may not be joining the army. Even if he were, he could have continued contact. But after the first three months he'd had enough of the texting romance. He may have found someone "real" at his end by then. That's when you should have let him go. If he would have been a local guy, instead of a long-distance fantasy guy, you'd have known very quickly he was not that into you.

Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition October 12, 2013 G4

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