Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 2/4/2014 (1123 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My new wife is a dog beater. She smacks my dog hard with the newspaper if he misbehaves. I asked her how she'd feel if I smacked her behind with a newspaper when she got dirt on the hallway rug and she said, "Go ahead, try me!" I didn't know how to take that and didn't want to find out. I am 50, pretty good-looking and not hard up to get women chasing me.
This morning I came downstairs and she was hitting the dog again, this time with her hand. I had enough and took the dog to my daughter's house and explained the situation. She can't stand this new wife anyway, so she won't tell. Now my wife wants to know where the dog went and I told her I took it away where she could never hit it again.
I don't like her any more. When I think of her, I feel lousy and think I my be looking at divorce No. 3 because deep down she is a very mean person. She slapped me once since the wedding, across my bare back, and hard, too. What should I do? -- Losing at Love Again, Brandon
Dear Losing: This woman is not a keeper -- she needs to go. She is abusive. Don't keep score of your life by the number of women you have relationships with; keep score by the amount of happiness you have. You might be happier with two dogs, a girlfriend and no wife. You might have a lot of fun with friends and relatives, travelling a lot, and having little romances. Or, you might just want to choose another woman and be with her for a couple of years before you even think of marriage again.
Most short relationships can't be judged realistically. You need a couple of years before you know what a person is like when they are enjoying good times or experiencing intense frustration. Most people who are infatuated can be on their best behaviour for quite some time. It's good to see the worst. Some people pick a little fight after a few months just to see what happens.
You may be a poor judge of women, but don't hang on to this one to try to keep your wife number down. If you choose to move away from this abusive woman, you will be making the right move. She's already hit you hard once. That is just the beginning. She went from newspapers to her hand with the dog quickly. Lots of abusive women who don't like to hurt their own hands move on to hitting their partners and animals with hard objects like telephone receivers.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I bought some sex toys at the recent Taboo show in Winnipeg and thought my husband was going to be very excited to share them with me. He wasn't! He said bitterly, "What do you need those for? Don't I do it for you any more?" Well, that backfired and we haven't had sex since. You can't return sex toys, so I experimented on my own. I told my husband in a joking manner and he said, "Get those things out of this house!" I paid good money for them, so I have them hidden in my secret drawer in the basement. What should I do? -- Not Boss-able, Tuxedo
Dear Not Boss-able: This situation really needs discussing. All you two have done is make short statements, fight and go underground. You hit a nerve with your husband. Either he suddenly feels inadequate or something happened in a previous relationship with sex toys. Maybe he just doesn't know anything about them and thinks you have bought a great big toy that outdoes what he has to offer in size. Did you? If you didn't, he needs to know this. Don't haul the toys out, but do get a conversation going. This may not be as bad as it first seems to him.
Please send your questions or comments c/o firstname.lastname@example.org or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6