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Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION
Don't back down, call fiancée's bluff over threatened exposure
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This is so embarrassing. My fiancée did something rude to me I didn't ask for or expect, and she had to take me in the back seat to the doctor to have something fished out. I can't say what it was, but I am grateful a youngish walk-in doctor was able to help right there in the office. I was scared I'd have to go for an X-ray at the emergency department and have everyone who happened to see it laugh. You think those things don't get passed around? Ha! Outside the doctor's office, we got into a fight and I told her what to do with her mean and, as the doctor pointed out, "dangerous sexual behaviour." I agreed with the doctor, and said so right there. My fiancée screamed at me outside, "Take a %$#-ing hike, you big baby!" We literally split up on the front steps of the doctor's office. Now she is backtracking, and says I have to marry her, or she will tell everybody why we split up. I don't want her telling everybody, and having all our friends and my hockey buddies mocking me. What should I do? -- Don't Want Her Anymore, Winnipeg
Dear Don't: You can't let anyone blackmail you. See a lawyer who will send her a serious warning letter. Or, you can just take back your power by saying: "Go ahead and tell people what you did. Some people will laugh, but most people will think less of you." Your attitude, if she blabs, is key -- bold, unapologetic, able to take a joke with your friends. Be prepared for a certain amount of ribbing, and have a few corny jokes of your own at the ready like "hindsight is 20/20" and then tell your buddies to let it go, saying. "Hey, it's old already." If you look truly embarrassed, more people will tease you.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I saw two woman kissing in the parking lot of a popular downtown nightclub and thought it was kind of sweet. I was out smoking behind the club and they were 20 feet away. When they looked up and saw me, I waved and they told me, "Mind your own business, you perv. Get out of here or we'll call security!" So I ran back into the club before they made trouble for me. What was their problem? I was just being friendly and approving of what they were doing. -- Wrongfully Accused! Downtown
Dear Accused: The kissing situation was public, but some people are touchy out there. A Parisian "what's your problem?" shrug would have been appropriate for these two, and then standing your ground, instead of running back into the club. Most lesbians are well aware that men find their affections toward each other attractive and interesting and a big turn-on. The last thing they want is a guy trying to get involved with them. No doubt that's what they thought you were doing, but you weren't, so just let it slide off your back.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Something weird is going on over Halloween. My live-in girlfriend is throwing a big Halloween house party at our place and inviting 60 people. I saw the list and two of her major old boyfriends are way down the list in small print, but I saw them. I added two of my old girlfriends to the list in red ink and she hasn't said a word about it. I haven't really invited them. I was just trying to make a point. But, I think my girlfriend isn't saying anything about it because she has no intention of not inviting her two old loves. I don't want them here. Should I invite mine then? -- Awkward Mess, West Kildonan.
Dear Awkward: Don't do any inviting. Just break the secrecy spell by asking your girlfriend why she's inviting two of her old flames to your party. Ask her if there's a message she wants you to get. If she's trying to match them up, that's one thing. If she's getting restless in your living-together situation, that's quite another. If she says, "What am I supposed to do -- un-invite them because you're jealous?" you say, "Yes, That would be nice, since this is my house too and I'm not really inviting my old girlfriends."
lovecoach@hotmail.com
Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition October 14, 2012 A1
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