DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My neighbour at the lake is disgusting. He has a makeshift shower with a hose and a circular curtain in his big back yard. I can't see him in the shower with my naked eye but I can see a clear outline with my binoculars. Should I send him a note to cease and desist? -- Lady Laker, Lake Winnipeg
Dear Lady Laker: Sit down, have a cup of tea and relax. You're at the lake. People take their clothes off at the lake. Some of them don't put them back on again all weekend in the cabin. This neighbour is not appearing naked in front of you, so put your binocs down. Maybe you should try an outdoor shower yourself -- great fun with the sun pouring in the top. If you ask your neighbour nicely, he might lend you his plans.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm a woman who enjoys enacting power fantasies. I've been getting my boyfriend to watch some female porn with me. He's uncomfortable with it, although I tell him I'm into trying anything new we might come across. Last night he confessed his real, deep-down question is, "What is my new girlfriend trying to sneak me into doing?"
OK, here's the problem. He's right. I want him to want to get into playing mistress/love slave with me, so I've been exposing him to that through porn. I want to be the boss and be worshipped! -- Queen Bee, Fort Richmond
Dear Queen Bee: This boyfriend is no fool, so stop the ruse. Ask him if he'd be willing to try out both sides of mild dominant/submissive power games, and that he'd choose what he tries and how far it goes. Most guys would enjoy having a girlfriend play harem girl -- especially if he gets to say (or write down, if he's shy) what he'd like you to wear and do for him.
The second time, you suggest what you'd like to do with him -- but make it mild; he still gets to set the limits. That way he gets introduced to the power games you desire in a fun way.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I think that Need Strategy did the right thing in non-verbally slapping this guy on the hand for assuming he could take food from her plate without asking, especially so early into the relationship. What other impolite things will he do without caring what she thinks, if the relationship continues? I've been married over 30 years and I'd still be offended if my husband took food from my plate without asking. This basic lack of respect would raise red flags for me. Sex should be off the menu until this gets straightened out. -- Please Ask First, Fort Richmond
Dear Ask First: Sex off the menu? You must be kidding. Your love partner is your equal, and you are not the warden. Withholding sex should not be used as a punishment unless there's a big sexual problem going on that offends you. What if you borrowed your husband's vehicle without asking and he cut you off from sex -- simply not appropriate!
Doling out punishment is not nearly as effective as talking things out. Each misunderstanding is a chance to talk about values and lifestyle and a chance get to know each other better. Maybe this fellow freely shared food with his past girlfriends and needs to know his new lady feels differently. Not a big problem -- just give him a friendly update.
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