DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I weigh more than the bathroom scale's limit. OK, about 350. I never eat much in front of my worried live-in fiancée. She's starving me. After we have a "healthy diet dinner," I am so hungry I get in the car on the excuse I'm going to the gym to wear off dinner calories. Then I drive straight to a drive-thru and buy two burgers with the works, fries, apple pies and and a large drink. The only person who's losing weight the last three months is her. I thought I was getting away with it until she followed me one night last week and caught me at the drive-thru. When they handed over my food she came right up in front of my car and shouted over the hood. "YOU PIG!" She says she's had it with me and won't sleep with me now. Help! I love her to death. What should I do? -- Scared "Pig". St. Vital
Dear Lonely: What is turning her off -- even though she loves you -- is signing on for a life where she nags, you keep sneak-eating, and she watches you killing yourself. That's a terrifying picture for her. Watching you like a mother doesn't keep the sexy feeling going, either. Take this relationship straight to a psychologist. A shrink will help you deal with the underlying problems that make you pig out every day. Then you finally have a chance at losing the dangerous poundage yourself, and being a healthy trustable husband and father who will last.
Dear Miss Loneyhearts: I like my morning bus driver way too much. I climb on the bus after dreaming about him all night. I try to find excuses to talk to him him at the front, but the newer buses are not designed for easy chatting with the driver. I know he likes me too -- he always gives me a special smile and big hello. Last night I asked him what he was doing after his shift and he said, "Going home to my wife and baby." I was crushed! I said, "But you don't wear a wedding ring and he said "Yes, because I am allergic to it." Now what? I need to take that bus and I am so hurt and disappointed. -- Devastated, St. James
Dear Devastated: Make it easy on yourself. Take a slightly earlier bus and avoid him for a while -- long enough to get over the worst part of this crush. Professional courtesy is nice on buses. Unfortunately, some people mistake friendly hellos for flirting.