DEAR MS. LONELYHEARTS: Where do big women go to meet men in this province? Yes, I'm a big woman, but I'm active and take good care of myself. I have tried online dating on and off over the last few years, but most men I meet there want just a "friends with benefits" situation, or are looking for someone to take care of them.
I'm 37, with two older teenage boys, am generally happy with my life, but it would be nice to meet someone. I volunteer in Winnipeg, go to events there regularly and meet lots of interesting people, and many attached males (which are hands off).
I'd describe myself as friendly, average looking, and approachable. I don't get it. Is it my size? Does the fact that I'm a large, 5-foot-9 woman intimidate them that much? Your advice? -- Single and a Little Lonely, The Country
Dear Lonely: Your size is only intimidating if you put it out there apologetically, or you hide it. A proactive ad looking for a "big guy" could do the trick. Yes, there may be size jokes from a few goofs, but go on to clarify you want "big hands, big heart, big sense of humour." Rather than defending or apologizing for your size, look for a guy who's tall (a short, slight guy won't do) and who's up for a woman like you.
You should say you offer big things too -- generous heart, big curves, outgoing, entertaining, big friendliness, and tall enough for a basketball or football player. Tell them to stop looking for the sample sizes, because you're the real thing. If you're outgoing, say, "I can be a handful!" Guys who like your type will step up laughing and say, "I've got big hands!" It becomes a happy challenge.
NEVER apologize that you're a big girl! Put it right out there. Look, you haven't made a big effort to be a tall beanpole when there are methods out there to do so, so it's time to consciously embrace that you are happy being a big, tall, luscious lady.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I hurt my mother's feelings very badly when I called her an "aging hooker." I'm afraid she may never talk to me again. It hurt her because it's the truth. She was uneducated and alone, and that's how she got the money together to raise us kids.
I was furious the other night because she'd been gambling and she hasn't got enough money to be doing that and there were no groceries in her fridge. I wanted to put her down, because I was angry. She was telling me to back off, that she'd spend what money she has any way she wants now us kids are raised. How do we get past this fight? I do love her and she loves me. She never had any men near the house, and never let us come to harm. -- Words as Weapons, West End
Dear Words: Handwritten letters are unusual these days, so write her a letter of apology in your personal script. Tell her how much you love her, and recognize how difficult it must have been in early days. Thank her for never letting you come to harm, and say you're sorry for your mean words, that you really don't think of her in a bad way and you love her. Come over with flowers a day later to see her, and give her a big hug and say, "I'm so sorry, Mom." Mothers love so deeply they are pretty good at forgiving when a "child" of any age is truly sorry.
On a future visit subtly leave behind a pamphlet on problem gambling help in Winnipeg. The "flowers visit" would not be the time -- too soon.
Please send your questions or comments c/o email@example.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg R2X 3B6.