Even smart people can be conned

DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: This is in response to the woman who signed herself Tricked For Eight Months. She's lucky she got out so soon. My sister innocently lived with a con man for seven years. He had a good federal government job, too. Finally, she came across a bill for jewelry repair for another woman -- the tip of a gigantic iceberg. This man said his healthy wife was dying of cancer in a few months, but it dragged on for a few years. Then he said his wife had finally died and he was going to the funeral -- on his own. Turns out that was his mother's funeral. His wife was just fine. My sister never met his family (mother and sister). He never used the same name at hotels when they travelled, and convinced her of a "good" reason. He spent Christmas with her and my family, never his own! Everything he said was vague, or "government business." He often left the room to talk on the phone. Turns out he was betting heavily on horses. When she finally "got it" and threw him out, she had a major breakdown. He kept calling her, supposedly from the Mayo Clinic, urging her to take him back, because he was so ill. All lies! She lost seven years, plus a few to recover -- her last child-bearing years. The real zinger is that she had a Ph.D. So, yes, Tricked for Eight Months should always check out everyone carefully, and watch for red flags. They're flying all over the place with scoundrels. -- Relieved She Got Out, Wpg.

Dear Relieved: When you get an "odd" feeling about a new love, it's time to look harder, not look away. If we suspect a person around our children is odd, we look hard. Why not for ourselves? Because we are afraid of the impending heartache, the loss of sex and affection. Con artists are more charming than other people; they have to be, in order to do their dirty work and get away with it. Some of them are way too clever to leave a trail, but others -- like this guy -- leave a big one. Granted, the Christmas scam was pretty clever, but the hotel names and the private phone calls and the never-met family are red flags. What you see in an honest love relationship is the eagerness to introduce the loved one, the tendency to want to fully disclose one's life and share lives openly. Was your sister led to believe he was a government operative? That's a favourite old con as it excuses a lot of furtive behaviours and makes way for easy double-dealing.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My daughter and I are furious! We got into an argument at a store with a stubborn clerk who said we couldn't return a dress. She sniffed the armpits and said it was worn (it was only tried on once at home) and she complained it had no tickets anymore. So I lost them, big deal! I still had the bill. I said she was unprofessional and a few things but I only swore at her once, though she deserved more. They kicked us right out the door, with no refund. We didn't raise our voices and no one could hear the argument but the clerk. Then she reached under her desk and suddenly the manager was there to kick us out. What should we do next? -- Abused by Store Clerk, South End

Dear Abused: It's very doubtful you were abused. The clerk reached under the desk to push a button to get help because she was feeling threatened. You weren't running away anywhere and there were two of you going at her. When an argument like this starts to become circular and someone swears, the clerk has every right to call for management or security to handle it. You could still make a written complaint. Good luck with that.

lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition September 19, 2012 D4