Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Extra pleasure before work starting to feel like overtime

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My beautiful wife of six months kisses me goodbye at the door and then tries to get sexual and pulls me back into the house for another round. When the weather recently got nice, she even came running out after me to the car in front of our new house to pull this stunt. I felt embarrassed she was pawing me in public. What is wrong with her? She gets lots of sex, but it's never enough. It's beginning to feel like work and I'm always late for my shift. -- Sex Slave, Fort Richmond

Dear Sex Slave: It's a shame when pleasure becomes work. Is your wife not working herself or perhaps works an opposite shift? There's a kind of desperation to this sex, like "prove you love me and risk your job," or, "I die of boredom once you're gone." Ask her gently how she feels and watch her face closely; it could be revealing -- unless this is a little power game she's playing.

If it is a power game, she may be trying to prove you will risk your job for another taste of her charms. Then she is likely to smirk, while she professes innocence. Start out by saying, "I'm glad you find me so attractive, but something is going on here other than that. It's starting to bother me, so let's talk about this honestly."

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband and I have a very solid marriage, but the sexual aspect is routine. I don't want to separate -- I love my man -- but I would like to spice things up with some swinging. In my first marriage, we tried it and found it fun, but it was too late to save our marriage. We didn't like being in the same house for more than an hour together, so we finally split.

My new husband says he's "not into anything kinky." There's nothing kinky about swinging once you get into it. You know what they say: "It's only kinky the first time." -- Swinging Solution, Winnipeg

Dear Solution: For you, the taboo is gone, but for your husband, it's still a frightening barrier. He could be worried you'll meet someone you like better and that will be the end of him. He may also be creeped out by the thought of being naked with another man around, or being overly turned on by another woman and lose you in the process.

Swinging is not for every couple and it's only going to work if both of you want to do it. That's simply not the case with your husband. How about role-playing instead? Let's talk turkey: is your goal to spice up your marriage, or is it really about getting some more of that swinging experience?

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I caught my husband in a closet with his cellphone, calling someone. I sneaked up and listened and it sounded like he was crying or begging. I ripped open the closet door and I was right: he had tears under his eyes and his phone clutched in his hand. I'm not stupid. I know he was talking to a woman, or maybe even a man. I grabbed the phone but he had clicked it off before I got it. He grabbed it back and said it was private property. I said I thought "our marriage was private property." I'm pregnant and due in the fall. I will have this baby for sure. Now what? -- Going to Pieces, Winnipeg

Dear Going to Pieces: It's too late to turn a blind eye. You need to find out what's going on, one way or the other. What's happening can't be any worse than what you're imagining. If your husband has another lover, he or she may have been in the process of dumping him. The begging, crying and hiding makes that likely. You must find out exactly what your situation is. You may need to find another place to live and call friends, relatives and close girlfriends for support. You can have the baby and raise it with or without your husband. If he won't talk, make an appointment with a marriage counsellor and insist he come with you. The counsellor will get the whole story out in the open for both of you to work on.

 

Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition April 12, 2014 G4

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