DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I have a crush on my female doctor. I make excuses up to go in for a visit. My husband has no idea because he doesn't like to hear about female things. She is married and has no idea. I don't care. I just love talking to her. Does this mean I'm lesbian or am I just lonely? My husband is a lame lover. I married him because he was cute, gave me a rush when he met me and made me feel special. Now I feel like one of his lesser clients whose deals he can count on so he doesn't have to butter me up or remember my birthday.
The other day he was watching sports and I said clearly, "I think I'm a lesbian and I may have to leave you," and he said, still watching TV, "Mmm-hmm. I hope you feel better soon." I told my mother I was sick of him tuning me out and she said, "Have another child, and you won't notice." I am dying of loneliness in this house and feel like I am losing my mind! I have two big girls now. They're both in high school and are both going to an out-of-town university in three years. I have a good career, but I'm bored out of my skull. What should I do about my life and my crush? -- Longing For Her, Winnipeg
Dear Longing: You love the way this female doctor really cares and listens to you. Do you daydream about her, long to kiss her and make love to her, or are you just sick and tired of being treated like a nothing-burger by your husband? Do you dislike the idea of another man making love to you, or do you just not want another guy like your husband in bed? Think these two questions out. At the same time, discard your mother's idea as patently foolish. You don't bring a new child into an unstable marriage as a distraction.
As for your husband, tell him you need to go for marriage counselling ASAP as you are drifting away. If he says "Mmm-hmm," turn off the TV, and say, "We're in crisis mode. I'd like to stay until the kids have gone if we can work something out with professional help, but I may have to leave if we can't." Force him to hear your message.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm going to have to tell my brother off and that might be the end. He comes over and borrows everything. If I squawk, he says, "You're my brother and you can have anything of mine you want without asking." I don't want his falling-apart junk. I'm afraid of losing him as a brother, though, as he's all the family I've got. -- Fed Up Brother, North Kildonan
Dear Fed Up: Here's an idea to try first: You guys need something to do together regularly, like go to movies, concerts or sporting events. Movies would be the cheapest. Next time he comes over, surprise him with movie gift-certificates and ask him to start going to see some flicks with you. You decide the first one to see. He will go home shocked. Once you get into an alternate happy social footing of doing fun things together, then you can suggest he get some tools, or whatever it is he borrows, second hand, online, and you'll help him look. Christmas would be a good time to give him whatever he borrows most.
There's a small chance he just comes over to borrow stuff so you have an excuse to spend some time together... OK, very small.
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