Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Fight off seasonal blues before husband looks elsewhere

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I feel it's hard to be sexually aroused when day after day the skies are grey and gloomy. I am as low as the clouds in the sky. Pack on a rain after that, and what else do I have to look forward to -- snow? My husband thinks weather means nothing and I am making excuses not to have sex when he is a hound for it. All I feel like doing is cocooning and going to sleep. He says this isn't normal. For me, it is normal! This is how I feel. How can he be so insensitive? Don't tell me to get one of those LED lights because the big ones cost $200! -- Under the Covers, Osborne Village

Dear Under: LED lights are something quite different -- good for singing onstage, not so good for depression. You need a Seasonal Affective Disorder (SAD) light. You already know the problem is lack of light, but you're depressed enough you don't want to do anything about it. Get your husband's help on this. He can go down to 4 Fort St. where you can rent SAD lights from the Mood Disorders Association of Manitoba (204-786-0987) at only $20 per month and a deposit of $20. You can also purchase good ones there at $200. They're not for everybody, so rent one first. There is no shame in using them, and more people should avoid the depression they feel coming on. One of the first effects is lack of desire. That's not fair to you or to your mate, as the deal you made was to be there for each other. Don't push him out the door by being stubborn about getting the help you need.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met an old boyfriend whom I had slept with once, and at first he mistook me for my sister. Then he was sincerely apologetic and wanted to take me for a beer and then for supper. He proved he was still a bore at supper. Later he phoned wanting to "reconnect" and wondered if he had left his hat at my house. I think he was hinting he wanted me to take it to him at his lonely cabin on Lake Manitoba. I thought he was a terrible lover in the old days -- maybe that was more my fault than his -- but he was definitely gorgeous and everyone else in town lusted after him. That included my mother, who fell all over him. He is still good-looking with a muscled body and greying temples. He's also into the native stuff with golden eagle feather as his totem. I am pretty lonely these days and am tempted to "return the hat." Should I do it? -- Lonely for a Man, Rural Manitoba

Dear Lonely: Loneliness is not a great reason to reconnect with an old boyfriend unless you feel a new attraction to the man he has become. You don't. You still think he's a big bore, and that's enough to forget about "returning the hat." We all know what that means! When you're a woman of a certain age, you need more than a man's good looks (though it helps a lot if he's still attractive). His old memories of you were not very strong if he looked into your eyes and mistook you for your sister. Take this as a sign you need to stir up your social life and meet a great guy. No need to go to the lonely cabin.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition November 1, 2012 C2

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