Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Fighting for your man a painful plan

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I beat this girl up who was lipping me off at the bar and I knew it would turn my guy on. He loves watching women fight. It wasn't over him but he got excited anyway. We went home and it was the best sex ever! The next day, he asked me if I would consider doing it professionally. He says even women's boxing turns him on. Why should I take the risk of fighting just to turn that idiot on? I told him to get lady boxing videos and watch them and he said, "Fine, I will," in a quiet voice I didn't like. Is my relationship in trouble because I won't do what he wants to give him a thrill? -- Feeling Panicky, Downtown

Dear Panicky: You're panicking because this is about more than the fighting. He went over a boundary asking this and you felt that, and pushed back. Now he's giving you the quiet-but-sinister warning growl. The idea he wants you to get? He'll quietly go find somebody else to do it, and you'll be sorry. You will be even sorrier if you give in. You instinctively know this is wrong for you and he's a brute to ask. Would he like to get into a beating situation so you could watch in safety and get turned on? Ask him.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I wake up on most Saturday and Sunday mornings with a girlfriend in my bed. I have a rotation of four sex buddies: three in town, and one out of town in Brandon. I treat them like gold. I am kind, safe, clean, scrupulous about condoms, and no one has gotten anything bad. I'm told I'm great in bed. I had been having a wonderful life for three years and they all knew the deal going in -- no getting serious. I am 41, divorced several years and have a peaceful relationship with my ex-wife, who is remarried to an ex-friend of mine (the jerk she had an affair with).

My worry now is that two of my women who have been in my life for a few years are demanding more. That's not on the menu. I like my life just the way it is with great sex, variety and always a feeling of novelty. The women are, in all cases, single moms with jobs and kids of their own. Usually, the ex-husband is taking his turn at having the kids over. I cook my lady of that evening a wonderful dinner, we have some drinks, and I might even take her out to a concert or we watch a movie in, and it ends in a night with me making love to her. But now, my house of cards might come tumbling down. How did it go wrong? How can I fix it? -- Confused About My Women, Winnipeg

Dear Confused: Maybe it's time to fix your broken heart. The trouble started years back when you didn't get help working out the anger you feel toward "the jerk" and your cheating ex. Your barely repressed anger is anything but peaceful. Instead of dealing with it in a shrink's office, you have taken on a sex-buddy lifestyle to get even and to keep you safe from loving another woman.

Time is the other problem in your life. The early days have passed and no-emotion excuses don't make sense any more to the women on the sex-buddy list. Women whose feelings are still semi-intact, start feeling for a sex buddy they care about enough to sleep with regularly. Plus, you're giving the ladies romantic treatment each time they are over -- play-acting love. Do they know about each other? It sounds like they do now, or are starting to find out. Heaven help you if they all get together. Time to make an appointment with someone who can help you work out those old feelings that are festering in there and not allowing you to love anybody.

Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition October 20, 2013 A12

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