Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 24/3/2013 (1460 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm 29, single, and a handy-woman freak. I can fix or build almost anything. I thought this was a good thing, but it freaks guys out. It was fine when I was living at home. My dad is a carpenter and taught me everything he knows. But now, I wonder. My last two boyfriends ended up admitting they didn't really appreciate my stepping up and building and fixing and making them feel inadequate. I can fix and flip a house now. At first they thought it was "cute" and "amazing" but then, when other guys started praising me and teasing them, they didn't like it. I really like carpentry and I also want to have a great love life and a home life and babies in my 30s, but I don't want to have to pretend to be less than I am. I have built decks and cupboards and put up walls and ceilings and am a drywalling whiz. I can even do simple wiring. My dad and I built a garage. When I was not dating seriously I could be as big as I wanted to be. My parents tell me I don't have to pretend to be helpless to get a man who loves me. It is 2013, not 1953. But what do guys think about this? Could you ask them for me? -- DIY Builder, Transcona
Dear Builder: You're just been hanging with the wrong crowd -- at the moment you're the only one with a toolbox. This is who you are and you have a big talent in this area and a passion for building. Why not get right into it and do this for a career? How many people even have a passion they can identify? Immersed in the building business, you would end up meeting a lot of guys who are into building, and not intimidated by a woman who can swing a mean hammer. As for what guys think, let's ask them, if that's what you want. Anyone with an opinion on this, please email or write care of the address below and we'll publish their letters in an upcoming column.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: This is in response to your letter from Feeling Gross. I am also a woman on a dating site with a little extra weight. I have full body pics up as I have nothing to hide and am very honest with everything. I once got an email from a guy claiming that I should not be in the "a little extra weight" listing and should change it to BBW. Well, after much debating, I decided OK, maybe I should. Then once I switched it to BBW I got an angry email from another guy saying that I was not big enough to be considered a BBW and I should change it to "a little extra weight." There is no pleasing everyone! Feeling Gross should know that there will always be jerks out there and as long as she is happy with herself or working on it that that's all that matters. -- A Little Extra Weight, Winnipeg
Dear Little Extra: If you don't show yourself and say what you want in online dating, you will always be in a vulnerable position because you're faking it and trying to uphold the lie. When you reflect who you truly are in personality and in photos, you're in a much stronger position because you attract people who really are attracted to you as you are right now. People who post recent photos looking their best, but not Photoshopped do the best in finding real love and attraction. There's nothing more disillusioning than meeting someone for coffee after a fun flirtation online only to discover the photographs shown were 15 years and 40 pounds ago.
Questions or comments? Please email firstname.lastname@example.org or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6.