DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a sweet guy on the bus to University of Manitoba and we started sitting together. He wasn't wearing a ring. We had rousing discussions about our areas of study, and I was feeling really attracted to him physically. Last week, just before I jumped off the bus, I pecked him on the cheek and said, "Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow." The next day he had his gloves off and was wearing a wedding ring on the correct hand. I felt sick. I said, "You didn't tell me you were married!" and he said, "You didn't ask. Couldn't we be friends?" I ran and sat in one of the back seats, in tears. Why did he lead me on like that? Should I ever sit with him again? -- Red-Faced With Embarrassment, Downtown
Dear Red-Faced: Could you really stand to be just friends with this guy? I think not. It would be a big strain until you had a new boyfriend as balance. If it helps you to feel better, be aware this guy knew you liked him way before the kiss, but he was enjoying the intellectual-style flirtation. Being married at a young age (as I suspect he is) can sometimes be hard, so he was flirting, too. He had ample opportunity to mention his wife, but never did, and he could have worn his wedding ring, but never did that either. When you kissed him, he woke up to things progressing dangerously. Take an earlier bus for a while and give yourself some peace on the ride to school. This guy is toxic for you from here on in.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Everything in my gut is telling me my husband is having an affair. He says he's not. I don't believe him, and even though I've said I let it go, I don't trust him. How can I figure this out? His phone is password-protected. I know his friends won't talk to me. He owns his own company and his staff would never tell. I work different hours than he does so I think he is with her when I am at work. I can't get away when I'm at work so I can't follow him.
I think I know who the other woman is, but I don't know anyone who can tell me anything about her. Should I contact her directly? I don't know how I'm going to figure this one out. Can you give me any ideas what I could do? -- Just Need to Know, Winnipeg
Dear Need to Know: Don't phone her up -- that's an awkward move and you could be wrong about her. Instead, hire somebody to follow your husband, or get a friend to do it. It's better if you don't do it anyway, as the discovery moment is not pleasant, and bad things have been known to happen. You and I both know there are days when you are both off work, when a tryst is possible. That's when you might cruise by her place with a close friend or sister to see his vehicle.
Do you know where your prime suspect lives? They'll probably be there. Secret lovers don't spend much on hotels if they can help it. He may be there or parked down or around the block. You just need to figure out what you will do once you find out, preferably thinking it out beforehand. See a domestic lawyer your husband doesn't know and discuss scenarios if you find your husband to be cheating. You need to know the right way to proceed if you end up separating and there's a house and business in the divorce deal.
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