Force the issue with Mr. Hit & Run to get an answer

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a male friend from a related company who's supposedly platonic, except whenever we say goodbye, he does something sneaky to get me all hot for him. Then, we see each other a week later for this project we're doing and he acts like nothing every happened. Last night he nibbled and kissed my neck and murmured, "You're so beautiful, baby." I would have gotten excited about that, but the next time I see him I know it will be platonic all over again. What is he doing to me? I feel like I'm going crazy. -- Hit and Run Victim, Portage & Main

Dear Hit and Run: Maybe he's just exercising his sexual power -- flexing his muscle, so to speak, because he knows you'll let him play his game. It could also be he doesn't have the guts to ask you if you'd be willing to switch gears in this relationship from platonic to romantic. Or, maybe he just wants a friends-with-benefits deal. You need to call him on this. Say something like: "Let go of that doorknob. We need to talk. Why do you pull this hit and-run-trick every time I see you?" If he won't answer, say this: "Think about it, because it's important to me and I need an answer by the next time I see you." It's quite likely he's developed a crush on you and pulls the first move over and over, hoping you'll will respond by throwing him on the floor, and taking him. Clearly you have a little crush on him yourself, so it's time to move this along. WARNING: If he's just being a flirt -- and comes on to other platonic friends this way, you don't need him. So ask around. If that's the case, next time he zeroes in, tell him to keep his wandering lips to himself.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend is a pretty weird sexually, but I love him. For instance he gets a big kick out of "playing horsie" where he is the pony and I am literally his bareback rider. I think this is a bit silly and I have no idea why it turns him on, but I go along with it on occasion. Sex, it seems to me, is kind of a bizarre activity anyway, so what the hey. But what does he get out of it? I have asked but he has no explanation except one session can rev him up for a week at a time, and I like that aspect. -- Giddyup, St. Boniface

Dear Giddyup: Some male "ponies" enjoy the submissive aspect of being ridden. Others enjoy the proud feeling of strength carrying their smaller partner on their backs. (This is not a game for people with bad backs.) For others, it is mostly a leather fetish to do with a fancy saddle, stirrups and harnessing. Some women also like to pretend they are prancing ponies and wear all the fancy gear you'd see in a circus, but they are not into the carrying aspect because of the strength required. It all comes under the umbrellas of submission and de-personalization. While it may seem an extreme fetish to you, it's certainly more personal than a scene where the submissive enjoys being used as a table or footstool.

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Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition June 24, 2012 A15