DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: When my boyfriend said he was tired of our relationship and wanted to break up, I begged for one more time in bed with him, and he couldn't resist. The power games were the best part of our relationship, since he was too dumb for me anyway. But I wanted the last laugh. I knew what he would ask for. I tied him to the bed with just enough slack for him to get away. But then I went shopping and hid his clothes -- not part of the usual game. He had to go home in my clothing and no coat. Boy, is he out of his skull over that. He has phoned and left angry messages that scare me. What should I do? -- Getting Harrassed, Winnipeg
Dear Harrassed: Look, you took the guy's clothes and he had to drive home in women's clothing in the freezing cold. People have a right to break up with each other in this country. You owe him a big apology, so give him one. Leave a return message, saying you're sorry for the trick you played and realize it was mean and wrong. Now let's take a look at your emotions. Instead of facing the hurt, you instantly covered it up with anger and vengeance. It's time to let yourself face the pain of being rejected, and accept the fact you were not a long-term match anyway. You need to see a counsellor to talk about what you did, because it's a cruel and unhealthy reaction and could be argued to be a form of forcible confinement, if your ex wanted to lay charges.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I come from a working background I'm not proud of. While in university in another province for five years, I charged money for my sexual services and earned my way through two degrees. I was not out on the street -- I did outcalls, and I'm a guy. I moved here to Winnipeg to get away from running into any of my former clients. This week I was at a nightclub and one of the former wealthy ladies, a national sales representative I serviced regularly in the other city, spotted me and came over. She offered me the same amount of money as I had charged before (a lot) to see her in her hotel. I said I wasn't in that business any more. She then offered me twice the money and I refused again. Then I saw her go and gossip with her girlfriends in the corner, and they were all looking at me. Does this mean I have to move again? I have an excellent job here that requires I have a good reputation. What should I do? -- Gossip Could Destroy Me, Winnipeg
Dear Destroy: You're probably safe, unless you get into a position of prominence and your name and picture are everywhere. Even then, what are she and her cohorts going to say? Clearly, she is still in the market for a gigolo, but she has no way to get hold of you when she comes into the city, which is good. At this point, when you are not active, you would be safe to deny the rumours, as the proof would have to lie with her own experience -- and that's not good for her. It'd be smart to avoid that particular nightclub, if that's her Winnipeg hangout, as she would go there looking for you another time.
Questions or comments? Please email firstname.lastname@example.org or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6.