Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Former dominatrix needs new outlet

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My wife is beautiful: sexy and long-legged with long, auburn hair and sea-green eyes. The problem is she used to be a call girl, but never a hooker. I was in my 40s, divorced with no kids when I met her while working in Toronto and had one sensual assignation with her. Then she wanted to start dating. After that, to my shock and amazement, she quit her career and came here to live with me when I transferred, and we quickly got married. She said I was the only man strong enough to flip roles with her (she had been a dominatrix) and support her so she never had to work again. But now I am worried because she says she is getting bored and restless here in Winnipeg, though not with me.

I'm haunted by an old song my grandfather used to sing: "How ya gonna keep her down on the farm, after she's seen Par-ee?" I thought if I transferred here, it would get her away from her old crowd of friends and connections. Now she wants to go back to Toronto. I could transfer back there because I am No. 1 in sales at my company, but will that get us into trouble as a couple? -- In Love and Nervous, Tuxedo

Dear Nervous: Can I talk to you as a businessman? This woman you married is business-minded herself. She lies when it comes to work and money. Either she gets a big alternate career going, or you're going to lose her one way or the other. She made a lot of money in Toronto as a dominatrix. Now she's in Winnipeg living off your credit cards and meeting a few new people, but is alone for long stretches when you're at work -- and it's winter.

Find out what she wants to do for a new career and get her started on that path. She might need aptitude testing if she's confused about which way to go. Then set her up in an whatever appropriate course she needs at college, university or business school. Going to school in Winnipeg in winter weather is just as much fun as going to school in Toronto in cold, damp weather, but with less traffic. She will soon meet new friends interested in the same new education direction. If she runs back to Toronto, you can be sure she'll go back to her old friends and may feel tempted to start filling in the cracks in her social life with old activities. A modern woman gets tired of not earning her own money. If you must move back to Toronto to keep her, try to get her into school and start an intellectually stimulating career there.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I broke my leg and my boyfriend had to carry me downstairs. He's a bodybuilder and OK with that. Then I discovered he got a kick out of making love with me in my cast. When I got the boot off recently, he said, "Leave it by the bed. We can use it." I said "Use it for what?" and he just winked.

I know it's a fantasy of his that I'm helpless and he's the crusading superhero. I don't want to do this now that I don't need my boot cast, so I lied and told him it had to go back to the casting department. He didn't believe me and said, "Why did you get rid of it? Tell the truth." I shrugged. I had no answer. Now he has been sulking all week. What do I do? -- His Fantasy At My Expense, Westwood

Dear Expense: Explain to him it would be fun to explore some other fantasies to do with superheroes, but you don't want to be reminded of your sore leg anymore. Then be proactive about bringing different play-acting scenes into your relationship. Sometimes a person gets stuck on one fantasy because he/she has forgotten about all the others. It just takes an innovative mind, book, movie, game or costume to introduce him to a new world. What better time to get creative than just before the gift-giving season?

Please send your questions or comments c/o lovecoach@hotmail.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition December 8, 2013 A15

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