DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I know what's going on with some people on my block -- that swinging thing. I have seen them going to each other's houses and exiting together the next morning. Who do they think they're fooling? I realize they're young and probably don't have kids yet, but they're still doing something sick together. Sometimes a third couple comes over and the car isn't gone until 7 a.m. What what kind of neighbours stay at each other's houses overnight and stumble out bleary-eyed in the morning? Are you thinking what I'm thinking? I feel it's not right in this quiet community. Should I call the police? -- Normal Married Woman
Dear Normal: It seems you have a full-time job watching these neighbours getting busy in one configuration or another. How do you know they're swinging (trading partners for sex) for sure? Binoculars? What would you call the police about? A lot of friends have extra bedrooms and their friends stay for sleepovers rather than drink and drive.... They may have had beer-foam mustaches on their faces, but you will have something even stickier -- egg on yours -- if you start calling the police and making a fuss. It's time for you to get away from the front window and mind your own business.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met my mom's second-best old friend at Sears and we had a big talk about the old days and my mother and all the fun they had being young groupies. I was surprised at some of my mother's antics, but didn't show it and got this woman to spill it all. Now I wonder if I could jokingly bring them up with my mother. -- Funny or Private? St. Vital
Dear Funny or Private: When you are older, do you want your kids to know everything you ever did when you were wild and free? Some of it you wouldn't mind and some of it would be private. Try to sort out how you would feel about different topics (drinking, pranks, sex) and measure that against your mother's sense of humour. Then err on the side of silence. It may be fun for you to know groupie stuff, or it may be "too much information" and you may need to unload with a counsellor. Either way, your mom didn't tell you herself, so she wasn't anxious for you to find out. What was her second-best friend thinking? Don't you wonder if she was envious and embellished a little while she was at it, to get your mom in trouble?
Questions or comments? Please email firstname.lastname@example.org or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6.