DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: We forgot to lock the bathroom door at work and our boss caught me and a co-worker with our pants down. We are married, just not to each other. Our spouses won't be a problem if they find out, as we had played together before as couples. We are entitled to coffee and lunch breaks, so it's not like we were wasting company time, but we are worried he will try to somehow use this against us. Can he have us fired? -- Too Hot in the Pool, Winnipeg
Dear Too Hot: What is fun and commonplace to you and your wife as sometime swingers may be outrageous and disgusting to someone else, particularly this boss who unwittingly hosted a vertical tryst. You are being paid to get serious and do work.
In fact, he may be working out the details for getting both your bare bottoms fired. He's waiting a bit to see if you or your in-house sex partner will talk to him of your own accord and apologize or if you will show any kind of remorse or courage. It appears you haven't stepped up to that plate. Consider it.
What you've done is disrespected the boss on his territory. Some people get a kick out of sticking it to authority. They like to brag they've done it on the boss's desk, or on the boardroom table, but your act seemed to have an air of foolishness to it, rather than disrespect for the man. Whether you get fired depends on how well you apologize, how useful you are at work, how sensitive your boss is to possible disrespect and whether he plays around himself. Write back, and tell us what you do and what transpires.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My husband gets up early, and when I grumble that he's disturbed me and I can't sleep in, he always says annoyingly, "The early bird gets the worm." Frankly, what I do is stay up late at night to avoid sex with him and to flirt online with men. There are two guys I have cybersex with regularly. We have never met in the flesh, although there are growing hints that could happen.
This morning at 6:30 a.m., I swore at him when he woke me up and he said something that shocked me: "If you think I don't know what's going on at night on the computer, you're a bigger fool than I am for ignoring it." We have a lot of money, to put it bluntly. He's a salesman and has been catching the worm to the tune of six figures every year for the last 10. I am a housewife with kids and no career. I know I'm in trouble. Is he just waiting for the right moment financially to leave me? -- Feeling Nauseous, Southdale
Dear Feeling Nauseous: Get off the Internet entirely and make some serious life decisions before the father of your children leaves you and takes the whole lifestyle with him -- possibly even the kids. Marriage partners sometimes forget how clever their partners are in the outside world and make the mistake of thinking they are only the person they see in the domestic realm.
Your husband may not have lowered himself to searching your Internet moves, but he may have hired someone to find out about your secret activities -- hacking in from their own computer. You've been warned now, which means your husband still cares about his home and family. Do you? It's time to decide. Either get counselling and get this marriage back together or get your own lawyer and accountant for the upcoming battle. There is no more room to diddle around.
Please send your questions or comments c/o firstname.lastname@example.org or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6