Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Girlfriend won't take it off, so it's time to break it off

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I need help breaking up with somebody and I feel like a jerk. I'm planning it for Jan. 10. I can't do it at Christmas and break her heart. She is a nice girl, but she doesn't want to have sex. We are both from a conservative religious background, but I have had enough of this nonsense -- I want a real relationship with everything. And no, I don't want to get married first. I have my eye on a new person who is going to university with me and in three out of five of my classes. She is not religious and she's full of fun. How do I tell my present girlfriend she's out because she doesn't put out? It's way too cold and mean. The last thing I would do is pressure her to have sex so we could stay together. She is going to ask why I'm ending it. Should I lie? -- My Spirituality Includes Sex, Winnipeg

Dear Spirituality: Tell your truth, but tell it gently and tell the whole truth. It's not that you want her any more if she'll have sex with you -- you have your eyes on somebody else. The last thing you want your present girl to do is rip her clothes off and say, "OK, then I'll do it to keep you." Then both of you will feel bad.

You have to tell her you're looking for a new kind of relationship with a new girl and you want your freedom. If she asks if you have someone in mind, say, "Yes, there is someone I am attracted to, but I haven't cheated on you."

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm in love with my teacher. I gave him a Christmas gift of a love poem at the beginning of December and he didn't acknowledge it. The gift was very special. I spent 12 hours writing and rewriting it, and put it in a beautiful Christmas card. Nothing has happened in reply. He has to know I'm crazy about him as I stare at him all through class. I can't stop paying attention to his body, which is very muscular because he plays hockey, and I get lost in his eyes. I get high grades trying to impress him with my intelligence.

There is another half year to go and I am in a class with him until June. Should I stay after school one day and tell him of my feelings straight out? Maybe he feels the same way but doesn't feel he should say anything because I am a student. I will graduate this year and then I won't be in this school any more. I could wait for him until then. What should my timing be? I'd really like to hear his voice. He's only in his 20s -- not too old for me at all. My mom and dad are 18 years apart. -- Love Him So Much! Winnipeg

Dear Love: He will feel your eyes on him and is experienced enough to have noticed the look on your face, plus he has the poem which makes your feelings clear. Please, do nothing more for both your sakes! His whole career would be in jeopardy if he responded romantically to a student. Since you care for him, protect him by backing off and get to the end of the year safely. If you push him any further, he's going to have to tell you to back off as nicely, but as clearly, as he can. You don't want to have that conversation and neither does he. And what if it had to come through a guidance counsellor because it was so awkward? The good thing is you know what kind of man you want. Start looking for a guy who is mature for his age and has many of the same qualities your teacher has. That's your best bet. Teachers can't consort with students, and even a relationship in the three to five years following Grade 12 would be suspect.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition December 26, 2013 D2

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