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Give him one chance to cut contact with exes

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I want to know whether you think it's appropriate or not for a boyfriend (mine in this case) to continue maintaining contact with his ex-girlfriends. He is a fantastic guy and loves me very much. I know that he's not one to play dirty tricks behind my back. However, I can't get over the fact he's still communicating with these women, mostly via social networks, I think. He'd see nothing wrong with getting coffee and hanging out with them, if the situation were to arise. What really bothers me is he discusses the dynamics of his relationship with me with them! It feels like emotional betrayal when he includes other women in the private goings-on of our relationship. I have had a gut feeling what he is doing is unfair and not right. I don't remain in touch with any of my ex-boyfriends and certainly wouldn't think of discussing with them the dynamics and health of my current relationship. He says "once friends, always friends." We're both in our 20s and have been together for over a year. What is your take on this, Miss Lonelyhearts? -- Frustrated, Fort Rouge

Dear Frustrated: You're in your 20s, so there are still lots of single men around, and 90 per cent of them wouldn't think it was OK to maintain a stable of old girlfriends as "friends." So, make one big last fuss about this. If he continues not to care about your feelings, he's too insensitive (and spoiled at this point) to be your man for life. Do you really want to get married to him and have kids and feel insecure all your life, as he maintains friendships with all these exes? What if you hit a bad patch? What if there was a sexual drought for a few months surrounding the arrival of a baby? He always has a second string of sympathetic women ready to comfort him. Why are you buying this nonsense, when other women wouldn't? It could only work if you had your own stable of exes and you weren't in love with the guy.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My boyfriend has put me on a diet. He says I have to lose 20 pounds by summer so I can wear a bikini at the beach. I am kind of chubby after a half a year of studying at university. The freshman 15 turned into 20 and rising. My girlfriends say I should dump him because he is too bossy and controlling, but I love him. If I lose the weight they are going to say he is the boss of me. What should I do? -- Rock and Hard Place

Dear Rock: This rude, controlling guy needs punting. Having said that, your weight is rising dangerously and it isn't healthy for you to let it keep rising four to five pounds a month. The biggest thing to change is to start doing what you alone want to do, and not to be bossed by either the boyfriend or the girlfriends. Too many people think they have to announce when they are dieting or quitting smoking or making other changes. Do things secretly if you want to, at the rate you want and as quickly as you want and take breaks without criticism.

Questions or comments? Please email or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, R2X 3B6.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition March 18, 2013 D6

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