DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My fiancée has asked that we reveal all to each other before we go ahead and marry. In the interest of being totally honest, she told me she had a four-month lesbian relationship when she was going to university. At first it didn't bother me, so I went digging around asking a few questions. I was quite shocked to find out how easily my manhood could be replaced by electronics. I thought that was my ace, so to speak. I thought that was something I could offer that no woman could give her. She tried to assuage my feelings by saying that nothing made up for the warmth of my arms, my musculature, deep voice, the hairy chest, yada, yada. I don't swallow that. I guess you could argue that a guy is always in danger of losing out to another guy who is a better lover, but somehow I'm OK with that. But how do you replace mangoes with bananas or whatever? I'm not trying to be funny, just struggling to express it to you. Please help me figure this out. I love her and want her to be the mother of my children. -- Inadequate or What? Wolseley
Dear Inadequate: For some young people, a relationship with a same-sex lover can be an experiment. For others it is more. Ask her the very question that is driving you crazy in the back of your mind: "Do you think you would ever want a woman as a partner again?" She asked for a no-holds-barred conversation prior to marriage, so have it. Ask everything you want to know and tell her everything you've done and see where things end up.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I fell down when hiking and my boyfriend was coming up the hill right behind me. Instead of giving me a hand up, he took the opportunity to kick me in the butt. I had already hurt my knee and needed his help and kind attention, and I cried. He laughed at me and called me a wuss. I ordered him go to on ahead and then turned around and limped back to my truck, and drove myself home 30 miles, leaving him to go get a lift. Now we are not talking and he calls day and night, leaving messages saying I have no sense of humour and I'm overreacting and to "lighten up for God's sake!" What should I do? -- Angry and Turned Off Him, Fort Garry
Dear Turned Off Him: He is not that dumb. He knows he literally kicked you when you were down and had a laugh when he saw your tears. That is not the kind of person you should stick with. You were upset enough to take the car home and leave him there. Now he's trying to talk you out of holding him responsible for bullying behaviour, telling you that you should take it as a joke. All you have to say now is: "I don't want to be with a person who would do or say the things I have experienced from you. Don't call again." Then you block him if he won't stop contacting you. You don't owe a person a detailed list of justifications for breaking off a relationship. After all, it is a decision tied to emotion, or loss of it.
Email firstname.lastname@example.org or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6