Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Go back to see him again, but keep eyes, ears open

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I met a man on my holiday to Mexico in February and he has never quit emailing and Skyping with me. He is not a beach boy, but a businessman there. He would like to come and visit me. I have been warned by my friends and relatives that he may be using me to gain entrance into Canada and I don't believe that. They also said they suspect he might be married. How would I possibly find out more detail on that if he came to Canada? Should I take a trip down there and check him out? I really fell for him like a ton of bricks and he seemed to feel the same way. This man is university-educated and has a big business there. I know, because that's how I met him -- from being at his business. -- Trusting Him Mostly, East Kildonan


Dear Trusting: If you feel he is sincere and you really like him, by all means head south again, and this time keep your eyes and ears open. Ask to be introduced to his family on Skype now and in person then. If he is on the up-and-up, he should be fine with that and with introducing you to his friends as well. If not, you will get excuses, some of them beautiful, that make him look like a good guy. Con artists are very good at that. Ask him where he went to university and what he studied, over the phone. Ask lots about his business, friends, family. Don't inquire in a letter or email, as it gives too much time to make something up. He could actually be a great guy, happy in Mexico, and better off than you are -- but you need to spend more time there to find out, and then bring him to your turf.


Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I had the flu and my husband insisted we still go out with this couple because he was trying to court a big contract from the guy. Instead of cancelling, I took a Gravol and went. I was OK through the appetizers but after the big entr©e, I went in the bathroom and threw up. To cover up for the fact my husband had hauled his wife to dinner with a flu they could catch, he told them we thought I might be pregnant! For the rest of the dinner they were very solicitous of me "in my condition." When we got home I told him what a selfish, lying sleazeball he was. He yelled that I "didn't care" about his success. He is really getting on my nerves now that we are married. I look at him now and my lip curls. The sex is still good, but that's about it. What should I do? -- Disgusted, St. Boniface


Dear Disgusted: Take this marriage off to a relationship counsellor and talk about the values of truth and integrity. Talk about the actions that go with the marriage vows to honour your mate. They would not include going to a business event sick. Then encourage your husband to speak his mind about things that are bothering him about you. Newlyweds get a lot of surprises in the first few years, and not all of them are good. It's encouraging that you are both still sexually attracted, and if boundaries can be set and problems worked out, one can hope for the best. Not too long ago you were at the altar professing deep love for each other.

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 9, 2013 C2

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