DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: Well, now I'm in big trouble. I slid into love with someone of the same sex on my curling team. I didn't mean for it to happen and neither did she. We are both married to nice old-fashioned men who are good guys but boring. This wonderful woman and I are made for each other. We want to do everything together and go travelling together around the world. Our families would be devastated and our kids would be messed up if we left their fathers to get together as a couple. We'd wait -- except it'd be too long a time -- until all the kids are out of the house. For now, we are keeping our love affair quiet. I jokingly made up a "what if?" situation for my husband about what he would do if something like that happened to him, and he said, "I'd go to court and get custody of the kids because I wouldn't want my kids raised by a couple of lesbians." That really scared me. What should I do? -- Love Her Completely, Manitoba
DEAR LOVE HER COMPLETELY: Your husband wouldn't automatically get the kids, although he seems to think he would. Times have changed. You should see a divorce lawyer, outside your Manitoba town or city, who is experienced in this kind of case, since it's only a matter of time before you will need one. You can't go on like this for years and not get caught. You are on the same team and see each other a lot -- people notice sparks flying, though they may not say anything to you. The one thing you don't want to do is jump the gun if this is the beginning of a new love. Like relationships between men and women, relationships between two women can start with a bang and end with a whimper. You don't say how long you have had these feelings for each other, but it could be as little as one curling season. That's a lot to bet your home life on.
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I hate my rich mother. That's the truth. She is a nasty, conniving, sick old woman who drives me crazy. She also has a lot of money and hangs it over our heads. She is not crazy, but she is devilish. She knows she will die younger than most because of her chronic disease, and that gives her clout right now. We're talking about big money here, and my siblings and I are all (except one) artistic people who need the inheritances. How do I ride this out to the bitter end without losing my own mind? She makes demands on me, the youngest son, every single day to come over to her freakin' mansion and do things for her she could do herself. -- Not Her Servant, Winnipeg
DEAR NOT HER SERVANT: You need to dump the idea of cashing in on Nasty Mama, and look at making yourself financially secure, even if you will never be rich. Once you stop waiting around for your mother's money, you will stop being tied to her. Lots of creative people go from one end of their adult life to the other teaching what they know in order to do the artsy things they love and do so well. Let the other siblings bow and scrape and hate her -- and themselves! Freedom and self-respect and the ability to speak one's mind are worth millions and will save your health. There's no such thing as a dead heir.
Questions or comments? Please email firstname.lastname@example.org or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6