Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

Haiku horoscopes

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Aries (March 21 - April 19)

You’ve succeeded where

Others have failed — by ruining

Your life completely

 

Taurus (April 20 - May 20)

You rush too much — stop

And smell that old woman named

Rose that you just scared

 

Gemini (May 21 - June 20)

I think the name "Lunch"

Is a great name for a pet

Although few agree

 

Cancer (June 21 - July 22)

At long last you will

Hunt down Moby Dick this week

And revenge yourself

 

Leo (July 23 - Aug. 22)

Read more widely — try

Out some of the Nabisco

Brand of food boxes

 

Virgo (Aug. 23 - Sept. 22)

If Shakespeare was still

Alive today, he would not

Be reading your blog

Libra (Sept. 23 - Oct. 22)

 

Salman Rushdie will

Soon go back into hiding

Just to avoid you

 

Scorpio (Oct. 23 - Nov. 21)

A movie about

Killer mermaids seems like your

Next logical step

 

Sagittarius (Nov. 22 - Dec. 21)

Life hasn’t turned out

The way you expected, so

Fire all your writers

 

Capricorn (Dec. 22 - Jan. 19)

Before you flee from

That vampire, consider this:

He could use a friend

 

Aquarius (Jan. 20 - Feb. 18)

Don’t ask why, but you

Need to change your life — I told

You not to ask why!

 

Pisces (Feb. 19 - March 20)

Some things you just have

To take on faith, like how I

Know what I just said

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition May 9, 2013 C2

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