Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I went to France over Christmas, not looking to fall in love, but I did. Now I spend so much time on the computer and on the phone with my love, it's like I don't even live here; in my head, I live over there with him. But, that's not reality! He is flying me over there in a month and those four weeks can't go fast enough. I think I could live in southern France where he does, but I'm not sure if I'd like to live in a country where I limp along in their language and they have to do me a favour and speak mine to really talk with me.
Besides, all my family is back here in Canada. I don't know what to do. I'm afraid to fall more in love with him. My kids are almost out of university but still young enough to be scared they will lose their mother. I have never felt like this before with any other man, including my departed husband. Should I try to cut this off before it gets any stronger? -- Rampaging Love, Tuxedo
Dear Rampaging: It's too late. You are clearly a romantic and already riding this rampaging horse. Your kids are well past high school age and anyway, you know very well you're going there in March. You'd be a fool not to investigate this, but your head is at war with your heart and the whole thing is ignited by guilt.
Try to stop talking about your love life to your kids until you know you have a solid thing going. You may go there for a visit this spring and come home sick of the man. Or, he may turn out to be wonderful, and come to Canada and everyone will fall in love with him here. For once in your life, you are an adult and free to go with the flow. Stay long enough with this man to get a real picture of who he really is. Err on the side of overstaying your welcome. It's best to figure these overseas romances out sooner than later. For one thing it will save you both money -- one long trip with revelations is cheaper than three short ones with none.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm a walking zoo. I always have a cat or a dog in my arms and sometimes a bird on my shoulder. My new man friend is the same. I have an acreage and so does he. He'd like me to come live with him and bring my little menagerie. He keeps bigger animals and needs the space his place affords. But I am very attached to my little home and my enclosures and the woods. I want to keep on going the way we are, visiting back and forth, but he says it is too difficult to keep up forever. To be honest, I don't like his place as well as mine. It's kind of a puny farm and bachelor pad, not in the glamour sense of the word. -- Don't Want to Go
Dear Don't -- When two older people get together to live, they often go looking for a new house to start afresh. Could you look for a new place you could build up together? If not, could you redo his house to make you both happy there? Is that the house where he lived with his first wife? If you're at a stalemate consider this: Would having to give in and move to his house be enough to break you up? At least give some thought to getting a new place together.
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