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He got satisfaction out of seeing you react

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DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I was at a public event and saw my old boyfriend there. He hasn't spoken to me since I broke up with him for hitting me, and I called the cops. At this event, he kept looking at me with the evil eye and it seemed he was holding his hands in a particular way to give me the finger. I laughed it off, until I noticed it a second time, and then a third. I suddenly got really scared looking at him and ran out of the place. I thought I could hear him laughing at me in his mocking voice, as I had to get by him to out the door. What should I do, if anything? What he did was not against the law. What was he trying to do by doing that rude thing? -- Scared of Him, North End

Dear Scared: He was trying to frighten and intimidate you, but not get in trouble with police again. You would have been wiser to walk up to security and report him, or to ask for a back door and simply disappear so he did not know he had you running out the door. By reacting, he knew that you saw what he was doing with his finger movement, plus he got great satisfaction when you rushed past in your hurry to get out.

 

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Six days ago I found I am pregnant, and truthfully I am glad. The thing is my girlfriend thinks I am fully lesbian when the truth is I have a little slip-up once in a while with an old boyfriend who is a very dear friend of mine, for life. I go over and visit every few months, and we get to having a few drinks and good memories, and then we get sentimental and then the inevitable happens. Well, I don't want to have him as the in-house daddy, but things could be a lot worse. He is single, makes big money and loves kids and would be supportive. But how do I tell my girlfriend, that although I love her, I am somehow pregnant by this man and having a baby? She will leave me and be so hurt. I want to handle her, so she and I can be the parents with support from this old friend of mine. It just seems so logical and reasonable and yet it's so emotionally messy. -- Pregnant By a Man, Ft. Rouge

Dear Pregnant: You should be pregnant indirectly by a man via a medical support team, but you're not. It's good practice to try to roll the film forward, and you need more practice on that. Let's look down the road and see what may be coming. OK, imagine you tell your girlfriend. She freaks out, and cries: "Why were you sleeping with him? I thought you loved me! You let me think you were lesbian but you are bisexual and still connected to your ex, a man. And now you're going to have HIS baby and I hate what you have done! How can I bring up a child that he will have the right to see? You had this baby by cheating on me. I can't trust you anymore." It doesn't look good in the future for you and this lady and the baby as a family. She resents you and she has every right. Face the truth about yourself: You made a decision to go and see this guy when you know you two always have sex. And, you chose not to use birth control. I think, in the back of your mind you may have wanted a baby, and this was the easiest way -- if you could just get your girlfriend to settle down and accept it. It is likely your partner is going to feel angry about the child of this man, and that goes double if the baby is born a boy and looks like him. Your only hope is if she wants a baby so badly she does not care where it comes from. But the baby dream is more yours, right? By the way, she may ask you to abort to save the relationship. You would deeply resent her for that, enough to cause a breakup anyway.

 

Questions or comments? Please email lovecoach@hotmail.com or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition June 5, 2013 C4

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