Hey there, time traveller!
This article was published 10/3/2013 (1593 days ago), so information in it may no longer be current.
DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm 75 and met a man of 78. His wife died recently and he told me, to my shock and amazement, they had sex almost every day they were married because she liked it as much as he did. He says he wants to get married right away and get back in the swing of things. "At my age, if you don't use it you lose it," he told me on our third date. I don't want sex any more. Sleeping in the same bed and cuddling would be fine, but I'm past all that sex foolishness. What should I tell him? -- Love His Company, South Winnipeg
Dear Company: Get out of the way. The man's on a mission to find an enthusiastic new mate, and start mating again. There's no decision for you to make, except whether to waste more of his time. This physical man wants a sexual relationship. You're definitely not a match for him, so stop stalling and say goodbye. He doesn't have the luxury of down time.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: OK, I admit I blew it. I was at the bar drinking with friends again -- the fifth time in a week -- and told my whiny girlfriend, who was probably calling about that, to get off the phone when I was with my buddies. I didn't even give her a chance to speak. It turned out she was sick and needed me to take her to Emergency. She called one of my other friends and he was happy to take her to the hospital, and hold her hand. (Her BFF told me she could have died.) Long story short, now she's going out with my friend. I know she still loves me because she promised she would love me forever. But, last night I saw them holding hands and I lost it. I love her! She is MY woman. I went crazy and punched him. He's a wimp, and he went down. My ex started dialling 911 for the cops. I begged her not to, and ran to my car. She stopped the call so that means she loves me, right? Now what can I do to get her back? -- Need Her Back Where She Belongs, Winnipeg
Dear Back Where She Belongs: Now, you do nothing. You leave this woman alone -- for good. She may have taken pity on you because of your history together, but you've kicked the romantic love to death. Continuing to drink uninterrupted and uncriticized, while showing off your manly power caused you to fail your girlfriend in a life-or-death situation. You wouldn't even give her 10 seconds to tell you she needed help. There are two things you need to learn now: you need help for your alcohol addiction -- five or more drunks a week is a big alcohol problem; and your anger is going to land you in jail one day, so you need anger-management classes as well. Call the Addictions Foundation of Manitoba and Klinic for resources. Now let's talk about the way you treat women. You are cold, rude and unloving. A healthy, loving man honours his women. You disrespect your women for some reason, and need counselling help for that set of issues, too.
Questions or comments? Please email firstname.lastname@example.org or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6