Winnipeg Free Press - PRINT EDITION

He moved here for you, it's only fair you move 'back home' with him

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Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I met the second love of my life -- and by far the best man I have ever known -- in Winnipeg on St. Patrick's Day decades ago when he was here visiting some relatives. I was just separated then from my first husband. I am married to that wonderful Irish man now for years. Convincing him to leave Ireland wasn't easy, and we still visit there a lot -- every spare penny goes into the Ireland trip jar. The problem is, now he's retired, he'd like us to move "back home." I know it is fair, as he has lived here all these years, but in my heart I don't want to give up Canada. What can I possibly say in my defence since he gave up Ireland, a country he loved so much, for me? We have no grandchildren, and never will have, so I can't even use that as an excuse. I would never leave him as I love him so. -- Selfish Canadian, Winnipeg

Dear Selfish: I can't think of a good argument for you, as he's asking for fairness. You've had it your way for years and now he wants a turn. Why not go and give it a good try and don't spoil everything for him by pouting. It may be the grand adventure of your life and you may love it. Surely, you've noticed how hospitable and friendly the Irish people are on previous visits. I have a cousin who went there, and for the first few days he thought people were being phony, talking to him so warmly at the bed 'n breakfasts, getting up at 6 a.m. with lunch for him, and giving him a big hug as he left on the next leg of his journey. But, the warmth and friendliness never ended because it was real. It's not like you'd be moving to a cold, hard place on the planet! And you could visit Canada -- seven hours away -- as much as you now visit Ireland. That's the promise it's fair to extract from your man in exchange for your moving with him.

Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: My sisters are fighting over a jerk of a guy. One of them started seeing him first about six months ago and threw him over, and then our middle sister took him over. Unfortunately, she wasn't aboveboard about it, and now the older one is so mad and jealous since she found out. Yesterday, they had a major hair-pulling blow-up in the living room with pushing and shoving and name-calling until my poor father came in and physically pulled them apart. My sisters are both trying to get me on their side and it's very uncomfortable. They have both slept with this jerk. I heard it in the big fight. What should I say, or do? I am 15, and my sisters are 17 and 18. -- Hands Over My Ears, Winnipeg

Dear Hands: "I refuse to be in the middle and I'm not listening to any of this!" is your best exit line whenever the topic comes up. "Talk to Mom or Dad, not me!" is another line. You are wise to refuse to listen to either one, to this point. Don't let them break you down as that just makes you a target. . . .Just for your knowledge, and not to preach to your sisters and get them mad at you, you should know the way to handle dating a person who earlier dated your sibling, is to ask permission, even if the first person who had him ended it by dumped him. . . .So, all you can do now is hope this blows over quickly -- and it probably will. No doubt the guy will be feeling awkward and want to run, as he's caused so much trouble in the family. Your parents will be giving him the evil eye, making him feel uncomfortable, and who can blame them?

Questions or comments? Write Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press 1355 Mountain Ave. Wpg R2X 3B6 or email lovecoach@hotmail.com

Republished from the Winnipeg Free Press print edition March 17, 2012 G8

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