DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My new girlfriend laughs when we're having sex and I find it distracting and it's making me upset. At first I thought she was laughing at the way I look naked, as that brought out her first outburst, but she said she was laughing out of "pure delight." But there is so much giggling of a strange variety, it feels kind of nervous to me. I thought people got kind of serious when they were getting busy. I find the outbursts of laughing break the sexual tension, which is what was driving me forward. The last few times there was no orgasm for me, and I hate to admit it, but I actually faked it. Turned out to be not that hard to do, because she hardly notices my situation. I really like this woman -- beautiful, intelligent, witty, well-educated. She is 32 and I am 27, if that makes any difference. But I enjoy her more out of bed than in bed, it seems. I don't like the weird gigglebox thing. Why is she doing it? -- Getting Laughed At, Wolseley
Dear Laughed At: Women are much more prone to laugh or even cry in bed than men, and to a certain extend it's quite a normal reaction. But, a woman who laughs may also be nervous. At the beginning of a relationship until you both get totally used to each other, she may giggle, and then it gradually wears off. She may also be ticklish and reacting to your touch negatively, and be holding back from telling you. Ask her if your touch is ticklish, and if she prefers a deeper stimulation and experiment to find out what feels more comfortable. Or, she may be unsure of her feelings towards you and the sex thing feels a bit absurd when it starts happening. Then she feels distanced from it, and giggles. To any "sex laughers" in the crowd: Could you please write in and shed some light from your personal experience?
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I'm working up north a lot of the time and lonely for my girlfriend who I live with when I'm in the city. We have a young child together. I trusted her to be true to me as I had to go up north to work, but I recently found out she was cheating on me in the city. I came down to Winnipeg for a visit last weekend and I confronted her. She said, "What did you expect when you're away for months on end and there's no one to love me?" Then she started crying. We both cried. She said she wouldn't cheat if I lived down here, but up north is where I can get good-paying work and I am able to send her money for herself and our child. I can't quit work and go live in the city and be unemployed again. What can I do? -- Sad Guy, Northern Manitoba
Dear Sad: There are people who need someone on hand all the time, and chances of keeping a dependent type like this happy while you're away long stretches are poor. Phone sex and love letters can help, but it isn't the whole answer. Still, there are other people who like independence and alone time and don't miss a loved one who is away nearly so much. This kind of woman would be best for you. Having said that, we know this is the woman you want and the mother of your child, and it's hard for you to shop for a new lady, except for online -- and very difficult to then meet her and form a relationship. So let's deal with what we've got -- a lonely, unhappy, cheating spouse. Do you believe her when she says she'd be true if you lived here? If so, could you come back to the city and see her more often? Could she move up there? It's worth investigating, although you should know some people just don't have a taboo against cheating and just try not to get caught.
Questions or comments? Please email firstname.lastname@example.org or send letters c/o Miss Lonelyhearts, 1355 Mountain Ave. Winnipeg R2X 3B6