DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: My husband is crazy in a fun way, but only when he's in the mood for it. When he's not, the kids and I nervously watch for the signs: he can change into a man with a nasty temper we hardly recognize. Now all of sudden something strange has happened. He is pleasant and good-tempered every day. He dresses up for work and is eager to do a good job. He stays late to do extra projects.
I am no fool. I know he may be seeing a woman as his new project. I know this sounds strange, but if he has a girlfriend, I don't care, if it makes our lives safer. I've been on eggshells for years with him and the kids have too. Now he couldn't be nicer to us. Should I rock the boat because it seems he may be playing around? This part confuses me, though -- we have sex more now and he seems to be better at it. Why would he want more sex with me? What should I do? -- So Mixed Up, Transcona
Dear Mixed Up: Maybe, in this unique case, you go with the flow for a while. You don't need anyone's moral stamp of approval. If you're finally relaxed and enjoying life, who's to say what's right? Is there a chance your husband is bipolar and has finally seen his doctor and gotten medication for his up and down moods? Or is he in the first stages of being madly in lust or love with someone? In that case, his libido may be higher and he can satisfy more than one women. Sorry, but that's how it often goes.
If you are going to experiment with a quasi-open marriage, you should drum up an excuse to use barrier protection like a condom with him -- for instance, a stubborn vaginal infection that won't go away. At least protect yourself from a sexually transmitted infection.
By the way, do you have a job? If you don't, it's a good idea to get a full-time one and build up some savings, since this marriage might come to an end. There's nothing like financial security when there are children in the mix who need to be fed, clothed and supported when their parents split.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I read your reply to Jailhouse Love. I was surprised and a little disappointed you didn't strongly urge this woman not to have any children with this man. I'm all for people having second chances and rebuilding their lives, but she said that jail has become "routine" for them, and the boyfriend is still involved in gangs. Under no circumstances should any innocent children be brought into this situation (let alone 15 as the writer claims the boyfriend wants). They both need to get their lives under control before she even considers getting pregnant again and that seems like a tall order given their past. -- Not Getting My Vote as Parents, Winnipeg
Dear Not Getting: You are absolutely right. Babies should not be used to try to cause a reluctant person to buy into a relationship. If these two are going to continue to spin in and out of jailhouse doors, it would be tragic for a child. Some women try to solidify bonds by giving a man babies and this woman has the mistaken idea she might tame him by producing "his first child" of 15. Pifflebunk.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: Please tell Facelift or What that there are skin oils and supplements that can help reduce wrinkles dramatically. He can go to a health food store and the staff can point him in the right direction. And it will cost way less than lasers or surgery. Good luck to him! -- Au Natural, Winnipeg
Dear Au Natural: Independent researchers say a person might as well buy inexpensive oils and creams because most promises made by the moisturizing-cream industry can be fulfilled just as well by using petroleum jelly or a cheap moisturizer every day. But if a person wants something more dramatic, like getting rid of the bags above and below the eyes, no cream in the world is doing that yet. A laser can be more helpful and old-fashioned nip-and-tuck surgery will send the bags packing quickly.
Please send your questions or comments c/o email@example.com or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6