DEAR MISS LONELYHEARTS: I'm a big chocolate lover and surprised my wife by smearing chocolate on her face and chest in the hot tub when we were having a bath together on the weekend. Instead of being a good sport and letting me kiss it off, she freaked out. She screamed at me even though she knew it was just melted chocolate from some Halloween treats we'd been making for our kids. What's wrong with her? Is she losing her sense of humour? -- Disappointed Innovator, . St. Vital
Dear Disappointed: Although it isn't entirely spontaneous, brand new sexual things need to be negotiated as in, "How about I bring that leftover chocolate in the hot tub and we'll do some body painting?" Then she gets a chance to say "Oh what fun!" or "We'll wreck the drain," or "Not over my dead body!" And you, my learned friend, get to argue your case.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I have a young son who's autistic and an elderly grandmother who has Alzheimer's disease. I also have two other younger children. I'd love to spend more time with my grandmother and give my children a chance to know her, and her them. The problem is my son is non-verbal and can be quite a handful and it upsets my grandmother who complains about it to other family members.
I don't want to just leave him at home all the time and only bring the other two because it's not fair and upsets him. He sees us getting ready to leave and wants to come, too. Even if I was willing to do that, I can't, because my boyfriend works a lot on the weekends and there aren't many people that can handle babysitting him. I don't know what to do. -- Seeking Advice, Winnipeg
Dear Seeking: Grandma is scared and clearly doesn't want to interact with your autistic son, so you need to play with him in the next room, outside at her house or find a respite worker to be with him back at home while you're gone. You could do this every two weeks when your boyfriend is off at work and make sure your son would get to do something fun and special with the worker. If it has a nice distraction factor, and he gets used to the worker, he won't feel so upset about being left out of the Grandma visits.
Dear Miss Lonelyhearts: I found it soooo interesting the short hubby mentioned in a recent letter wanted his tall wife to appear taller because when people stare at them it's because they think he's amazing and not because they look oddly mismatched like one red shoe and one cowboy boot. He also thinks everyone prefers tall women. At least his delusions turn him on. -- Thanks for the Laugh, Winnipeg
Dear Laugh: It's interesting you think people should match physically and that it's something to mock when they don't. These days one would hope people could be more open- minded. How about thinking different heights, different skin colour, different cultures, and whether people are heterosexual or homosexual are not a problem? In this difficult world, we need to love each other on the insides better.
Please send your questions or comments c/o firstname.lastname@example.org or mail letters to Miss Lonelyhearts c/o Winnipeg Free Press, 1355 Mountain Ave., Winnipeg, MB, R2X 3B6